这句英语怎么说第121期:自我介绍范文及批改

 　　Red 的原文

　　My name is Wang Yi-yang, and my English name is Red. I come from China, I participate in this work and travel program for many reasons. First of all, I would like to broaden 1 my horizons 2, to see the world outside and experience the different cultures and customs 3. Second if I can successfully 4 come to USA and work for a few month, I will get a very valuable oversea experience. This experience will be very helpful for me in the future. Third, as we know, the USA is a very beautiful country, everybody wants to travel there and me too. After I finish my job, I’ll take some time to travel around. I would like to go to Las Vegas and Los Angeles. My friend told me that these two cities are particularly awesome 5. About my work experience, I used to work in the Apple shop for two summer vacations. That was 2008 and 2009 mainly to introduce and sell Apple products to the customers. Last summer I worked on a music radio, mainly to choose the songs that played on the radio and this summer vacation, I hope that I can work in the USA. That must be cool and interesting. I have a lot of hobbies such like sports especially soccer and reading, movie and music. Well, this is my basic information. I hope to see you soon. Bye-bye.
　　经过Mr. Wong修改的正确版
　　My name is Wang Yi-yang, and my English name is Red. I come from China and I am participating in this work and travel program for many reasons. First of all, I would like to broaden my horizons, to see the outside world and experience X different cultures and customs. Second if I can successfully go to the USA and work for a few months, it will be a very valuable overseas 6 experience. This experience will be very helpful for me in the future. Third, as we know, the USA is a very beautiful country and everybody wants to travel there, including myself. After I finish my job, I’ll take some time to travel around. I would like to go to Las Vegas and Los Angeles. My friend told me that these two cities are particularly awesome. About/in regards to my work experience, I worked in the Apple shop for two summer vacations. That was in 2008 and 2009, mainly to introduce and sell Apple products to X customers. Last summer I worked at a radio station, mainly to choose the songs that were played on the radio show. X This summer vacation, I hope that I can work in the USA - that would be cool and interesting. I have a lot of hobbies such as sports, especially soccer. I also enjoy reading, movie and music. Well, this is my basic information. I hope to see you soon. Bye-bye.