NPR 06-23:The Train Down South: A Trip to Segregation我的“父亲梦”

Chris Huntington believes adoption 1 will make him the father he wants to be

I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
And I believe normal life is extraordinary.
This I Believe.

Once a month, we bring you a special online edition of This I Believe. This week we hear from listener Chris Huntington, who’s been in Indianapolis, Indiana. Huntington joined the Peace Corps 2 after college, wandered around the world, and eventually came home. He married two years ago and he and his wife have been trying to start a family. That effort led Huntington to recognize his belief as you’ll hear in his essay.

I no longer believe my wife and I are going to have a baby the old-fashioned way. But I no longer think this really matters. I believe in adoption now.

Four months ago, the Chinese government accepted our dossier. In the next year or two, a little girl will be born and her parents will not want her. My wife and I will fly to China to meet this girl and bring her home with us.

When I was a teenager, everyone said becoming a parent was easy. So easy, I had to be careful not to do it accidentally. I guess it’s easy for a lot of other people, but not for me and my wife. I am 39. My wife is 31. For the last two years, I've watched this woman I love inject herself with needles full of hormone 3 syrup 4. She got huge bruises 5 on each side of her waist. Our friends would bring their kids over to visit. And we’d hang up their tiny coats hoping some magic would rub off on our hands. When it didn’t, we started avoiding any place we’d see the one thing we wanted so desperately 6. Our own neighborhood became awkward. The woman across the street emerged in the spring with a giant belly 7. My wife and I stopped going to parks and matinees. Taking our clothes off became a medical procedure. We obeyed the calendar instead of each other’s eyes. I’d see young couples pushing strollers in the grocery store, and I’d taste jealousy 8 like pennies in my mouth.

I used to believe that becoming a parent was part of our biology. It was something everyone can do. When I couldn’t make a baby, I felt a little less human.

I teach in a prison, a medium-security facility full of men. I help guys write letters when they ask. Most of the letters are to girlfriends and ex-wives. I don’t see long letters to children. I feel lost opportunity all around me. I can see that becoming a parent is much more than our biology. And now I believe that becoming a parent is a gift you make to the universe and that the universe makes to you. Now I want my family to include a little girl who looks nothing like me or my wife. Some day I will lean across the table and cut this little girl’s green beans. I will meet her teachers. I will see her bicycle standing 9 in the garage. I love the idea that this girl will grow up to be a woman and still look nothing like me. But whenever she hears the word Dad, she will think of me.

People think we are good and generous because we are giving our home to an orphan 10 and giving her a family. But the truth is she will be giving us a family. I believe in adoption because it will make me the man I want to be, a father.

Chris Huntington with his essay for This I Believe.

He and his wife are still waiting for word from China. As you know, we invite everyone to submit essays to our series. Over 30,000 have done so so far. And at our website npr.org/thisIbelieve, you can find out more and browse 11 to all the essays that have been sent into us. For This I Believe, I am Jay Allison.

This I believe is independently produced by Jay Allison, Dan Gediman, John Gregory and Viki Merrick.

Support for NPR comes from Prudential Retirement 12, sponsor of This I Believe. Prudential believes every worker can achieve a more secure retirement. Prudential retirement, where beliefs matter.

Support for This I Believe comes from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.