Leslie Norris Helps the Police with Their Enquiries

Leslie Norris Helps the Police with Their Enquiries

Norris: (calling out) Lorraine, 1)get'n a bit busy down 2)'ere my love! Hah! Evening James. What can I get 3)ya? A half-pint short? 

James: Aanhh! Come about the fights!

Norris: Come right! Yeah! Last night, eh, that Eubank. Coor, he's got a punch in him, hasn't he? Oh, no. I don't mean Eubank, do I? No, no. The other 4)fella, the one with the 5)lisp. What's his name? Eubank!

James: Bites an ear, tonight!

Norris: Ah, right. I remember now. Yes, right. Yes, of course, uh, right. So eh, you gave me a 6)tenor 1?

James: No. No. Just get me the 7)lad, will you? Leslie Norris, he's the one who called us. 

Norris: Leslie Norris? Oh, no no no! He's the old landlord. No, he's in Chichester now. Oh, no. Tell a lie. No, oh, it's me.

James: Uh, will you just tell us what happened, Mr. Norris? 

Norris: What happened was uh, uh, John came, no, it wasn't John. Was it Terry? Uh, Bob! Bob! Yeah, uh, Bob came. Uh, one of the regulars, uh, he came in uh, uh no, he's on his way out.  Uh, come to think of it he didn't come in at all, did he? No. No, he hasn't been in for weeks. Bob, he's living in Australia now. Uh, Canada, Canada. He's dead! Dead! Very sad. Very sad. Yeah. I'll try and get him on the phone for you if you like. 

James: 8)Nah. Who actually started the fight? Bob, Terry, or John? 

Norris: Brian! 

James: Brian. Where did the fight start? 

Norris: Right, in the games room. 

James: Where's the games room?

Norris: Just round the corner, you go past the Gents, through the door, turn left, down the end of the road, over the traffic lights, take the A3327, it's about half an hour door-to-door.

James: The games room!

Norris: Oh, the games room. Oh, I do beg your pardon, I thought you said Wantage. No, the games room. You want the B2217, is it? 

James: Could we just stick to the point?!

Norris: And what's that? 

James: The fights!

Norris: Oh, right, yes, Huh! Gooh, silly me, eh? Just you sometimes, I think I forget me own, uh, ... me own ...

James: Norris!

Norris: ... It's gone.

James: So why did John hit Brian in the first place?

Norris: Ah, well, 9)y'see.  It was all a misunderstanding about his wife y'see, yeah. Y'see, I said to John, I said, uh, I see your wife's been 10)havin' a little sex with Brian, only, I didn't mean sex, did I? I meant chat, ha! I'm always getting those two the wrong way right, the right way wrong, the right way round, the wrong way round, the 11)roundabout, take the third exit, take the trip there! Leslie, what are you going on about, boy? Whoa there. Right. Start again. You gave me a tenor.

James: No, no. So John thought Brian was having sex with his wife?

Norris: Really!? Oh, wait till I tell Brian! 

James: I think Brian already knows. He's ended up in hospital!

Norris: (shouted) Hah! Ah well, you 12)gotta laugh, 13)ain't ya?

James: Laugh!?

Norris: Well, it's important to keep your sense of smell, humour, look, perspective!

James: Look, just tell me john's surname 2.

Norris: John?

James: Yes, John.

Norris: John Smith?

James: John Smith.

Norris: Certainly officer, 14)constable 3, 15)sergeant 4, one coming up for ya and me good lady wife, sorry, father!

James: Look, I don't want a drink!

Norris: Best way for the old Bill to go eh?

James: Could you just give us a simple, straightforward 5 description of John?

Norris: He's a small 16)chap. About 6 foot 4, you know.  He's got eight legs, eats flies, lives in the corner, frightens the wife. Oh no, that's a spider isn't it? Ah, he's bald with long hair, clean 17)shaven, mustache, wearin' a red yellow, white black, blue shirt, an' uh, always carries a newspaper under his arm. Oh, no. I don't mean a newspaper do I?  No! That'd be 18)ridiculous, no, a rabbit. 

James: So, we are looking for a tall, short, bald, hairy man, with a red, yellow, blue, black, white shirt with a rabbit under his arm. 

Norris: Well, good luck!

James: Good night, Mr. Norris.

Norris: Good Night Parrot, uh, Inspector 6 Moss 7, uh, Detective Dixon ....

玩世不恭的诺里斯

诺里斯：（大喊）洛林，拜托，下面都要忙坏了！晚上好，詹姆斯。要点什么，来半杯啤酒怎么样？

詹姆斯：啊！我是来调查那宗打架事件的。

诺里斯：哦，是这样！是的！昨天晚上本克被人揍了一顿，是这样吗？我应该不是说本克，对，对，是另外一个人，那个咬舌头说话的家伙，他叫什么名字来着？不就是本克吗！

詹姆斯：咬了耳朵，今晚。

诺里斯：对，对，我想起来了。你给过我提示吗？

詹姆斯：能把那小伙子叫来吗？是一个叫莱斯利?诺里斯的人打电话报的警。

诺里斯：莱斯利?诺里斯？不会吧？他是我们的老房东，他现在在奇切斯特。不对，我又在撒谎了，那就是我。

詹姆斯：那诺里斯先生，你能不能告诉我们发生的事？

诺里斯：噢，是这样，约翰来了。不对，不是约翰，是特瑞，不，是鲍勃来了，对，是鲍勃来了。他是我们的常客，他进来了，不，他是往外走。不对，我在想鲍勃到底有没有来过。他有好几周都没露面了。噢，我想起来了，他现在住在澳大利亚，不，是加拿大。可他已经死了。那真是太不幸了。如果你想的话，我可以帮你打个电话给他。

詹姆斯：那到底是谁先动手？约翰，特瑞，还是鲍勃？

诺里斯：是布莱恩。

詹姆斯：布莱恩。在哪里打架？

诺里斯：噢，在游戏室。

詹姆斯：游戏室在哪里？

诺里斯：就在拐角处，你穿过男厕所，过了那门，然后转左一直走，走过交通灯，顺着A3327路走。就这样走的话，半小时就够了。

詹姆斯：我想知道游戏室在哪里。

诺里斯：噢，你在说游戏室吗？那真对不起，我还以为你在说威提芝镇呢！你不是要走B2217路吗？

詹姆斯：能不能老实回答问题？

诺里斯：那要说什么？

詹姆斯：打架的事。

诺里斯：噢，是这样，我就是这样傻乎乎的。有时我想我是忘了什么……

詹姆斯：诺里斯先生！

诺里斯：我不记得了。

詹姆斯：那为什么约翰要动手打布莱恩？

诺里斯：噢，是这样，都是关于约翰老婆的误会。我对约翰说他老婆和布莱恩有暧昧关系，我有说他们有染吗？ 我只是说他们在一起聊天而已。你知道我就是这样一个人，老是把事情搞糊涂，把坏的说成对的，把对的说成错的，转了很多圈，转完圈呢，你就从第三个出口下来，这样你就到了。不对，我到底怎么了，对不起，我们从头来过，你给我个话题。

詹姆斯：没关系，那是说约翰认为布莱恩和自己老婆有染？

诺里斯：是真的吗？那我得告诉布莱恩。

詹姆斯：我想他一定知道了，他现在还在医院躺着呢！

诺里斯：那我们还真得好好笑一下，太好笑了。

詹姆斯：好笑吗？

诺里斯：你知道啦，人总要保持一些幽默感的嘛！

詹姆斯：那你告诉我约翰姓什么。

诺里斯：约翰吗？

詹姆斯：对，约翰。

诺里斯：约翰?史密斯？

詹姆斯：约翰?史密斯。

诺里斯：是的，警官，要不要给你和你太太来杯，对不起，长官！

詹姆斯：我不想喝酒！

诺里斯：你不想长啤酒肚是吗？

詹姆斯：能不能向我描述一下约翰的特征，最简单的描述就行。

诺里斯：他长的很矮，有一米九左右。他有八条腿，吃苍蝇，整天在角落了吓自己的老婆。对不起，这不是在说一只蜘蛛吗？约翰是个光头佬，头发很长。头脸刮得很干净，胡子很长。他穿一件红黄和黑白颜色的蓝衬衣，整天夹着一份报纸。不，不可能是报纸，那也太搞笑了，他夹着的是只兔子。

詹姆斯：好，那我们要找的人是一个很高又矮、光头长头发，身穿红黄蓝黑白衬衣，夹着兔子的一个家伙。

诺里斯：祝你好运了，如果你能找到的话。

詹姆斯：好吧，晚安，诺里斯先生。

诺里斯：晚安，福尔摩斯大侦探……

注释:

1) get'n = get in，英式英语中有很多这样的缩略式，较为口语化。

2) 'ere = there

3) ya = you

4) fella [5felE] n. [俚] 伙伴，伙计，小伙子

5) lisp [lisp] n. 咬舌

6) tenor [5tenE] n. 要旨，大意

7) lad [lAd] n. 少年，青年男子，<口>伙计，家伙（呢称）

8) nah [nB:] ad. [美俚] = no

9) y'see = you see，你明白的，你知道的

10) havin' = having

11) roundabout [5raundEbaut] n. 迂回，转圈；兜圈子的话

12) gotta [5^CtE] [美俚] = have got to

13) ain't [eint] prep. 不是

14) constable [5kQnstEbl] n. 治安官，警官，巡官

15) sergeant [5sB:dVEnt] n. 警官，军士

16) chap [tFAp] n. 家伙，小伙子

17) shaven [5FeivEn] a. 修过脸的，刮过脸的

18) ridiculous [ri5dikjulEs] a. 荒谬的，可笑的