欧美人文风情第368篇:婚前必看

 Marriage expert John Gottman can sit with newly engaged couples for 15 minutes or less and predict, with 94 percent success, 婚姻专家 John Gottman 只要和新婚夫妇坐在一起十五分钟，或甚至花更少的时间，就能得出准确率高达 94% 的预测，

the likelihood of whether that couple will be happily married or miserable 1 and divorced. What is his secret? How does he do it? 预测两人会过着幸福的婚姻生活，抑或是走向悲惨和离婚。他的秘诀是什么？他怎么办到的？
He says the key to relationship success does not lie in candlelight dinners; 他说，情感关系成功的关键并不在于烛光晚餐；
it is not found in trips to Paris or horse-and-carriage rides under moonlit skies; 不是到巴黎旅行，或在月光照耀的夜空下乘着马车；
it is not found in getting your partner a different gift every other week, and it is not found during long walks on the beach. 不是每隔一个礼拜就送你的伴侣不同的礼物，也不是在沙滩上漫步。
Gottman says the most important factor for a happy marriage is—attention, small moments of positive attention. Gottman 说，幸福婚姻最重要的因素就是—专注，给予对方全心全意关注的每一段细碎时光。
When I heard this, I thought about my mom. See, when I was six, she told me that it was the little things that make the big difference. 我听到的时候，就想到我妈妈。我六岁的时候，她就告诉我微小的事情会造成巨大的不同。
And as I look back on my parents' failed marriage, I see that it was those little things that eventually became non-existent. 我回想起我爸妈失败的婚姻，发现就是因为那些微小重要的时刻都消失不见了。
And if you're watching this now, then I know it sounds reminiscent because it is all too common today on this planet that we take each other for granted. 如果你现在在看这部影片，我知道听起来太耽溺于过去，因为现今地球上的我们，都太习惯把彼此视为理所当然。
We don't know what we have until it's gone. We lose touch with those who mean so much by neglecting the things that are so small. 我们直到失去才明白拥有过什么。我们与重要的人渐行渐远，因为我们都忽略掉那些非常微小的事情。
Now look, if you wanna book a limousine 2 with a mariachi band inside to take your sweetheart on a helicopter ride, that's fine. 听我说，如果你想要租一台豪华轿车，里面还有一团墨西哥街头乐队，带你心爱的人去搭直升机，当然可以。
But I have to mention, none of that compares to giving your consistent, undivided time and attention. 但我必须说，这些都比不上你给予对方完整的时间与全心的专注。
Because lasting 3 love, as Gottman said, is all about the small stuff. 如 Gottman 所说，这正是因为长久的爱都存在于那些微小的事物上。
It's about looking to your partner and telling them, "I love the way your hair looks in the morning." 长久的爱是凝视你的伴侣并告诉他们：“我喜欢你的头发早晨凌乱的样子。”
It's about sending a random 4 "I miss you" text to tell them that they're in your heart and on your mind. 是随意地传送一句“我想你”的简讯给他们，告诉对方他们在你心里，在你心上。
It's about when they call you during the day—does your voice light up like a dream come true? 也是在他们白天打给你的时候—你的声音是否像是梦想实现般亮了起来？
Or does your tone sound like you've got better, more important things to do? 还是你的声音听起来像是你还有其他更好更重要的事情要做？
It's about choosing praise over blame. 长久的爱是选择称赞而非责备。
It's about holding their hand when you know they are afraid, and you might be, too, but you say, "I'm here. It's gonna be okay." 是知道他们害怕，就算你可能也很害怕时，还是会握着他们的手，说：“我在这。没事的。”
It's about pressing pause on your favorite show, so they can tell you about their day. It's about making up funny nicknames. 是看你最爱的电视剧时按下暂停键，让他们告诉你今天发生了什么事。是乱取好笑的绰号。
It's about complimenting a new hairstyle. It's about noticing the funny way their lips curl up when they smile. 是称赞对方的新发型。是发现他们微笑时双唇卷曲起来有趣的样子。
It's about the simple things like remembering that no matter how hard it gets or how much you argue, you're on the same team. 长久的爱存在于简单的小事上，像是会记得不管情况多糟或你们吵得多凶，你们永远站在同一阵线。
It's about the simple bliss 5 of watching a movie cuddled up in the bed. It's the gentle kiss right on the forehead. 长久的爱是，依偎在床铺上看电影的简单幸福。是在额头上温柔的吻。
It's about the eye contact at the breakfast table where due to the light hitting them at a certain angle, 是坐在早餐桌前对视时，因光线以特别的角度照在对方脸上，
you notice a different shade or texture 6 of their eyes. It's about those tight hugs from behind. 让你注意到他双眼产生的不同的光影与纹路。是从背后紧紧地拥抱。
It's about choosing to be kind instead of right all the time. It's the small gestures to show them they are truly treasured. 是选择同理宽容，而不是总是要证明自己是对的。长久的爱存在于那些小动作上，让他们知道他们受到真诚的珍视。
It's not about the fancy, dress-up dance clubs, because slow dancing in the kitchen wearing sweatpants is way better. 并不在于那些华丽的扮装热舞俱乐部上，因为穿着运动裤在厨房慢舞更为动人。
It's about being weirdos together. It ain't always about making the heart melt. It's about getting them a glass of water when you get one for yourself. 是在于享受一起当怪咖的乐趣。并不在于每次都要让你的心融化。而在于这些微小的温柔，像是在帮自己拿杯水时，也为对方倒杯水。
And, yes, I realize that with so many extravagant 7 celebrity 8 weddings, for some people, 是的，我知道，现在有这么多奢华的名人婚礼，对一些人来说，
this may sound like trash—but if your partner doesn't feel seen, appreciated, 我说的这些话可能听起来像垃圾一样无用—但如果你的伴侣无法感受到自己被看见、被欣赏，
or listened to without fear of judgment 9, then what kind of partnership 10 do you have? 或无所顾忌地被聆听，那你到底拥有怎样的伴侣关系呢？
It is said that three billion people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight, 据说，今晚全世界会有三十亿人带着饥饿入睡，
and there are four billion who will go to bed hungry for a single word of love and appreciation 11. 而会有四十亿人却是缺乏一句爱与珍视的话语，带着干涸的心灵入睡。
If you have a malnourished partner, love one, or friend, then please listen. I want you to feed them small acts of love and attention. 如果你的伴侣、爱人或朋友因为缺乏爱而心灵枯槁，那请好好听我说。希望你们以充满爱与专注的微小举动滋养他们。
And now is a good time to start because it truly is the small moments of our lives that take up the biggest part of our hearts. 现在就开始吧，现在正是好时刻，因为占有我们心灵最大一部份的，正是那些生活中的微小时刻。