我不爱我的妻子 爱妻子就是爱自己

 　　I stepped into my marriage under the presumption 1 that love will last forever, but I was wrong. Committing your life to another person, until death do you part, is not always the happily ever after that you might see in fairy-tales and romance stories. After being married just shy of two years, I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't love my wife...

　　At least, not in the way that I'm expected to. If I were to follow today's rubric for marriage then I would need to rule my house, be the absolute head, the provider, the fixer -- yadda, yadda, yadda. That's probably fine for most people but I view marriage as a partnership 2. I don't agree with how society paints the picture that shows men and women doing specific sets of jobs in their marriages because they are expected to do them or how it defines the way married couples are supposed to act.
　　See, men are supposed to take their wives out, buy them gifts, and spoil them to make sure that they feel loved and viewed as important. According to what we see 90 percent of the time, flowers fix problems and every kiss begins with Kay, but I call BS. Why is it that people put so much emphasis on material gifts? In my heart, what I can buy for my wife is nowhere near as important or as impressive as what I can do for her.
　　I'm not saying that you should never buy anything for your significant other, because you would be foolish to even believe that. I just don't think those gifts should be used as problem solvers or indicators 3 of how much you love someone. I do things for my wife like cook, clean, give massages 4, wake up early to make her sandwiches before work, talk, encourage, support her dreams, make her laugh, and the list goes on.
　　In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. - Ephesians 5:28One of the most important things I can do is to love my wife as I love myself, or even more. Marriage isn't about me and most of my contribution goes towards making her life better. I support her dreams as if they were my own. When she is sick or not feeling well, I may as well be too. If she is down about a disappointment then I am right by her side trying to encourage her. I don't spend my time selfishly thinking of what she does for me or what I wish she would do. I benefit from focusing on loving her because she in turn does the same to me -- it's a win-win situation. I make love sound like a chore or a job or something, because in reality it is!
　　Marriage isn't easy, and anyone who has been married will tell you that. Remember how I said that I thought love would last forever? I was wrong about that. Love does not last forever. True love, however, will last for a lifetime but you have to be willing to work for it. We eventually grow out of the stage of "puppy love" and if it doesn't mature into "true love" you will find yourself in an unhappy place. Looks aren't everything (even though my wife is gorgeous), but one day we will be old and wrinkly and maybe not as attractive as we are now. Luckily for me, not only is my wife pretty, she is also hilariously 5 funny, my best friend, ambitious, intelligent, supportive of me, giving, and the list goes ooon and ooon. She's great, seriously.
　　I don't just love her though. I am hopelessly head over heels in love with her, because I choose to be and because I work towards nurturing 6 that love. In the two years we've been married she has helped me to grow into a better man than I was at the beginning and she has encouraged me to pursue things that I otherwise would not have (like starting my blog).
　　I thank God for thinking enough of me to bless me with such a wonderful woman and I cherish His gift and this opportunity to continue learning how to really love.
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　　怀着爱能天长地久的期待踏进婚姻的殿堂。可是，我错了。把自己的一生交付给另一人直到死去，并不都像童话故事和爱情故事那样幸福。结婚不到两年，我认清了一个事实：我不爱我的妻子。
　　至少，不是我想象中那样。按照今天婚姻习俗，我需要掌管家里的一切，充当负责人，养家者，修理工等等等等。对很多人来说，这可能是好的；但是我认为婚姻是一种合作关系。社会要求男女在婚姻里充当不同的角色，分工不同；但是我不赞同这种说法。
　　看吧，大家认为，男人应该带妻子出去（吃饭或看电影等）；应该给她们买礼物；应该一味地宠溺；使她们感受到爱和重视。根据我们的了解，90%的情况下，鲜花可以解决问题；每一次亲吻前都夸妻子是世界上最迷人的。但在我看来，这都是胡说八道。为什么大家要过分强调礼物呢？在我心里，我能给我妻子买的远远比不上我能给她做的。
　　我并不是说你永远都不给你的另一半买东西，如果你这样想就错了。我只是觉得礼物不应该用作解决问题的工具或者衡量爱的尺子。我为我的妻子做饭，帮她打扫，给她按摩，早起给她做三明治，与她交心，鼓励她，支持她去追求自己的梦想，逗她开心等等等等。
　　丈夫也当像爱自己的身体一样爱妻子。爱妻子便是爱自己。
　　我能做的最重要事情之一就是像爱自己一样爱我的妻子，或更胜于爱自己。婚姻里不只有我自己，我所做的一切都是为了让我的妻子过得更好。我会把她的梦想当成是我自己的，全力支持她。如果她生病或者不舒服，我也会；如果她伤心失望，我会陪伴在她身边鼓励她。我不会浪费时间考虑她为我做了什么或者我希望她为我做什么。全心全意爱她的同时，她也会全心全意爱我——这是双赢的。这样，爱就像是家庭杂务或者工作等，但是事实上它就是。
　　所有已婚人士都会告诉你：经营婚姻并不容易。还记得我曾说过我以为爱能天长地久吗？但是，我错了。爱不是天长地久的。然而，真爱的确能延绵一生，但前提是你必须愿意为之付出。最后，我们会超越“浅薄的爱”，但如果这不能发展为“真爱”，你将会不幸。外貌并不能代表一切（尽管我的妻子性感迷人），总有一天我们都会老去，满脸皱纹，不如现在有魅力。幸运的是，我的妻子不仅漂亮，还很有趣，聪明有抱负，是我的好朋友，会支持我，懂得付出等等，优点多得数不完。她真的很好，真的！
　　但是我不只是爱她，而是无可救药地深爱着她，因为这是我的选择，更因为我用心经营我们的爱情。在结婚的两年中，她帮助我变得更好，她鼓励我去追求，去追求没有她的鼓励将不会有的一切。
　　我感谢上帝，感谢她给予我一个如此美好的女人，我会十分珍惜，也将不断学习如何更爱她。