与爱人吵架时不该说的话-英语课

时间：2019-02-25 作者：英语课 分类：实用英语

英语课

　　不要说"You always"（你总是）、"You never"（你从不）、"You're a [slob, jerk]"（你是个笨蛋）或者"You're wrong."（你错了）。不要说"If you really loved me, you would..."（如果你真的爱我，你应该……）你越是用那种好像他从来无法满足你的态度对待伴侣，你越是不会感到满意。

　　Don't say: "You always" or "You never" or "You're a [slob, jerk]" or "You're wrong."
　　Why: Speaking in absolutes like "you always" and "you're wrong" is playing the blame game, and resorting to name calling makes your partner feel helpless, which puts him on the defensive 1 and makes a bad fight worse.
　　Instead say: "I'm upset that you left the dishes in the sink again. What can we do so that this stops happening?" Starting with the pronoun I puts the focus on how you feel, not why he's in the doghouse, and it will make him more receptive to fixing the problem.
　　不要说"You always"（你总是）、"You never"（你从不）、"You're a [slob, jerk]"（你是个笨蛋）或者"You're wrong."（你错了）。用"you always"、"you're wrong"这样绝对的说话方式无疑是在玩指责游戏，而谩骂中伤更会让你的伴侣感到无力，这只会迫使他为自己进行辩护，让争吵向更坏的情势发展。我们可以说"I'm upset that you left the dishes in the sink again. What can we do so that this stops happening?"（你又把盘碟留在水槽里让我感到心烦，我们可以做些什么来杜绝这事吗？）用“我”来开头以强调你的感受，而不是为什么他要被骂得很惨，这样会让他更容易接受，进而去解决问题。
　　* to be in the doghouse字面上看就是把一个人放进狗窝，而实际的意思就是失宠或遭受困难。老外是很爱狗的，通常把狗养在家里与孩子一起，当做家庭一分子。如果父母对狗不好，就把狗赶到外面的犬舍（doghouse）里，不准再进家里。所以这个习语后来有一种处分或冷落的意味。
　　Don't say: "If you really loved me, you would..."
　　Why: The more you treat your partner as if he'll never satisfy you, the less satisfied you'll be. Controlling your partner by imploring 2 him to do something isn't a good way to build intimacy 3.
　　Instead say: "I feel taken for granted when you don't help around the house. I would feel better if we could…" The best way to keep a productive fight from becoming a dirty one is to be clear about why you're upset and then offer a solution.
　　不要说"If you really loved me, you would..."（如果你真的爱我，你应该……）你越是用那种好像他从来无法满足你的态度对待伴侣，你越是不会感到满意。通过恳求他做某事来控制伴侣不是建立亲密关系的好方法。我们可以说"I feel taken for granted when you don't help around the house. I would feel better if we could…"（当你不帮忙做家务时，我有种事情就该我做的感觉，如果我们能……我会感觉好受些）要避免一场能产生效果的争吵朝一场满口脏话的争吵发展，最好办法就是说清楚你为何不满，然后提出解决方案。