英语听力：简·爱 02. Leaving Gateshead

　　2 Leaving Gateshead

　　I woke up to find the doctor lifting me very carefully into my own bed．It was good to be back in my familiar bedroom，with a warm fire and candle-light．It was also a great relief to recognize Dr Lloyd，who Mrs Reed 2 called in for her servants（she always called a specialist for herself and the children）．He was looking after me so kindly 3．I felt he would protect me from Mrs Reed．He talked to me a little，then gave Bessie orders to take good care of me．When he left，I felt very lonely again．

　　But I was surprised to find that Bessie did not scold me at all．In fact she was so kind to me that I became brave enough to ask a question．

　　'Bessie，what's happened？Am I ill？'

　　'Yes，you became ill in the red room，but you'll get better，don't worry，Miss Jane，'she answered．Then she went next door to fetch another servant．I could hear her whispers．

　　'Sarah，come in here and sleep with me and that poor child tonight．I daren't stay alone with her，she might die．She was so ill last night！Do you think she saw a ghost？Mrs Reed was too hard on her，I think．'So the two servants slept in my room，while I lay awake all night，trembling with fear，and eyes wide open in horror，imagining ghosts in every corner．

　　Fortunately I suffered no serious illness as a result of my terrible experience in the red room，although I shall never forget that night．But the shock left me nervous and depressed 4 for the next few days．I cried all day long and although Bessie tried hard to tempt 5 me with nice things to eat or my favourite books，I took no pleasure in eating or even in reading．I knew I had no one to love me and nothing to look forward to．

　　When the doctor came again，he seemed a little surprised to find me looking so miserable 6．

　　'Perhaps she's crying because she couldn't go out with Mrs Reed in the carriage this morning，'suggested Bessie．

　　'Surely she's more sensible 7 than that，'said the doctor，smiling at me．'She's a big girl now．'

　　'I'm not crying about that．I hate going out in the carriage．'I said quickly．'I'm crying because I'm miserable．'

　　'Oh really，Miss！'said Bessie．

　　The doctor looked at me thoughtfully 8．He had small，grey，intelligent eyes．Just then a bell rang for the servants'dinner．

　　'You can go，Bessie，'he said．'I'll stay here talking to Miss Jane till you come back．'

　　After Bessie had left，he asked，'What really made you ill？'

　　'I was locked up in a room with a ghost，in the dark．'

　　'Afraid of ghosts，are you？'he smiled．

　　'Of Mr Reed's ghost，yes．He died in that room，you know．Nobody ever goes in there any more．It was cruel to lock me in there alone without a candle．I shall never forget it！'

　　'But you aren't afraid now．There must be another reason why you are so sad，'he said，looking kindly at me．

　　How could I tell him all the reasons for my unhappiness！

　　'I have no father or mother，brothers or sisters，'I began．

　　'But you have a kind aunt and cousins．'

　　'But John Reed knocked me down and my aunt locked me in the red room，'I cried．There was a pause．

　　'Don't you like living at Gateshead，in such a beautiful house？'he asked．

　　'I would be glad to leave it，but I have nowhere else to go．'

　　'You have no relations apart from Mrs Reed？'

　　'I think I may have some，who are very poor，but I know nothing about them，'I answered．

　　'Would you like to go to school？'he asked finally．I thought for a moment．I knew very little about school，but at least it would be a change，the start of a new life．

　　'Yes，I would like to go，'I replied in the end．

　　'Well，well，'said the doctor to himself as he got up，'we'll see．The child is delicate，she ought to have a change of air．'

　　I heard later from the servants that he had spoken to Mrs Reed about me，and that she had agreed immediately to send me to school．Abbott said Mrs Reed would be glad to get rid of me．In this conversation I also learned 9 for the first time that my father had been a poor vicar．When he married my mother，Miss Jane Reed of Gateshead，the Reed family were so angry that they disinherited her．I also heard that my parents both died of an illness only a year after their wedding．

　　But days and weeks passed，and Mrs Reed still said nothing about sending me to school．One day，as she was scolding me，I suddenly threw a question at her．The words just came out without my planning to say them．

　　'What would uncle Reed say to you if he were alive？'I asked．

　　'What？'cried Mrs Reed，her cold grey eyes full of fear，staring at me as if I were a ghost．I had to continue．

　　'My uncle Reed is now in heaven，and can see all you think and do，and so can my parents．They know how you hate me，and are cruel to me．'

　　Mrs Reed smacked 10 my face and left me without a word．I was scolded for an hour by Bessie as the most ungrateful child in the world，and indeed with so much hate in my heart I did feel wicked 11．

　　Christmas passed by，with no presents or new clothes for me．Every evening I watched Eliza and Georgiana putting on their new dresses and going out to parties Sometimes Bessie would come up to me in my lonely bedroom，bringing a piece of cake，sometimes she would tell me a story，and sometimes she would kiss me goodnight．When she was kind to me I thought she was the best person in the world，but she did not always have time for me．

　　On the morning of the fifteenth of January，Bessie rushed up to my room，to tell me a visitor wanted to see me．Who could it be？I knew Mrs Reed would be there too and I was frightened of seeing her again．When I nervously 12 entered the breakfast-room I looked up at a black column 13！At least that was what he looked like to me．He was a tall，thin man dressed all in black，with a cold，stony 14 face at the top of the column．

　　'This is the little girl I wrote to you about，'said Mrs Reed to the stony stranger．

　　'Well，Jane Eyre，'said the stranger heavily，'and are you a good child？'

　　It was impossible to say yes，with Mrs Reed sitting there，so I was silent．

　　'Perhaps the less said about that，the better，Mr Brocklehurst，'said Mrs Reed，shaking her head．

　　'I'm sorry to hear it，he answered．'Come here．Jane Eyre，and answer my questions．Where do the wicked go after death？'

　　'They go to hell，'I answered．

　　'And what must you do to avoid going there？'he asked．

　　I thought for a moment，but could not find the right answer．

　　'I must keep in good health，and not die，'I replied．

　　'Wrong！Children younger than you die all the time．Another question．Do you enjoy reading the Bible 15？'

　　'Yes，sometimes，'I replied，hesitating．

　　'That is not enough．Your answers show me you have a wicked heart．You must pray to God to change it，if you ever want to go to heaven．'

　　'Mr Brocklehurst，'interrupted Mrs Reed，'I mentioned to you in my letter that this little girl has in fact a very bad character．If you accept her at Lowood school，please make sure that the headmistress and teachers know how dishonest she is．She will try to lie to them of course．You see，Jane，you cannot try your tricks on Mr Brocklehurst．'

　　However hard I had tried to please Mrs Reed in the past，she always thought the worst of me．It was not surprising that I had come to hate her．Now she was accusing me in front of a stranger．My hopes of starting a new life at school began to fade．

　　'Do not worry，madam，'Mr Brocklehurst said，'the teachers will watch her carefully．Life at Lowood will do her good．We believe in hard work，plain food，simple clothes and no luxury 16 of any kind．'

　　'I will send her as soon as possible then，Mr Brocklehurst．I hope she will be taught according to her low position in life．'

　　'Indeed she will，madam．I hope she will be grateful for this opportunity to improve her character．Little girl，read this book．It tells the story of the sudden death of a young girl who was a liar 1．Read and pray．'

　　After Mr Brocklehurst had given me the book and left，I felt I had to speak．Anger was boiling up inside me．I walked up to Mrs Reed and looked straight into her eyes．

　　'I do not deceive 17 people！If I told lies，I would say I loved you！But I don't，I hate you！I will never call you aunt again as long as I live．If anyone asks how you treated me，I will tell them the truth，that you were very cruel to me．People think you are a good woman，but you are lying to them！'

　　Even before I had finished I began to experience a great feeling of freedom and relief．At last I had said what I felt！Mrs Reed looked frightened and unhappy．

　　'Jane，I want to be your friend．You don't know what you're saying．You are too excited．Go to your room and lie down．'

　　'I won't lie down．I'm quite calm．Send me to school soon，Mrs Reed．I hate living here．'

　　'I will indeed send her soon，'murmured Mrs Reed to herself．

　　2 离开盖茨赫德

　　我醒来时，发现医生正小心地把我抱回我的床上。回到自己熟悉的、有温暖的炉火和烛光的卧室，真是太好了。见到洛依德医生也是极大的安慰。里德太太总是请他为仆人看病（她和她的子女请的是专科大夫）。他仔细护理着我，我觉得他可以在里德太太面前保护我。他和我说了会儿话，然后告诉贝茜要好好照顾我。他走了，我又感到非常孤独。

　　但令我惊奇的是贝茜根本没有训斥我。实际上，她待我很好，我竟壮着胆子问了她一个问题。

　　“贝茜，发生了什么事？我病了吗？”

　　“是的，你在红房子里病倒了，不过你会好起来的，别担心，简小姐。”她答道，然后到隔壁屋里叫来了另一个仆人，我能听得到她悄悄的说话声。

　　“莎拉，今晚到这儿来陪我和这个小可怜一起睡。我不敢单独陪她，她可能会死的，昨晚她病得很厉害。你认为她看到鬼了吗？我觉得里德太太待她太狠了。”于是，两个仆人睡在了我的房里。我躺着一夜不曾合眼，浑身惊恐地打颤，两眼因害怕睁得大大的，想象着每个角落里都有鬼魂。

　　幸运的是，我没有因红房子里的可怕经历而害一场大病，但我永远忘不了那个晚上。后来的几天里，由于惊吓我变得非常紧张和忧郁，整天哭泣着。尽管贝茜想尽办法用好吃的和我喜欢的书吸引我，我却不愿意吃东西，甚至不想读书。我知道没有人爱我，没什么可指望的。

　　医生又来了，他看到我痛苦的样子感到很吃惊。

　　“她哭，也许是因为今天早晨不能和里德太太一起坐马车。”贝茜猜测着。

　　“她比这懂事得多，”医生边说边冲我笑着。“她已经是大孩子了。”

　　“我不是因为这个哭。我讨厌坐马车出门。”我马上说。“我哭是因为我很痛苦。”

　　“噢，真的吗，小姐？”贝茜说。

　　医生关切地看着我，他那双灰色的小眼睛充满智慧。这时铃响了，叫仆人们去吃饭。

　　“贝茜，你可以走了，”他说，“我在这儿和简小姐说话，等你回来。”

　　等贝茜走后，他问：“你究竟是怎么病的？”

　　“我被关在有鬼的黑房子里。”

　　他笑了：“怕鬼，是吗？”

　　“是的，怕里德先生的鬼魂。你知道，他是在那间屋里去世的，谁都不再进去。把我单独关在里面，又不点蜡烛，真是太残酷了，我永远忘不了！”

　　“可是你现在并不怕呀！你这么难过一定另有原因。”他说着，和蔼地看着我。

　　我怎么能向他诉说什么让我难过呢！

　　“我没有父亲、母亲，也没有兄弟、姐妹，”我说。

　　“可是你有好心的舅妈和表兄妹呀。”

　　“但是，是约翰·里德把我打倒的，是舅妈把我关起来的。”我哭了，无法再说下去。

　　“你不喜欢住在盖茨赫德、住在这么漂亮的大房子里吗？”他问。

　　“我很乐意离开这里，但是无处可去。”

　　“除了里德太太，你没有其他亲戚吗？”

　　“也许有几个，都很穷，但我对他们一无所知。”我答道。

　　他最后问：“你想上学吗？”我想了一会儿。我对学校几乎根本不了解，但那至少是个变化，是新生活的开始。

　　我最后说：“是的，我想上学。”

　　“好了，好了，”医生自言自语着站了起来。“我们想想办法。孩子太脆弱了，她该透透气了。”

　　后来我从仆人那儿听说，他和里德太太谈了我的事，她立刻就答应送我去学校。阿伯特说里德太太把我打发走了才高兴呢。谈话中我还生平第一次得知我的父亲曾是个穷牧师。他和妈妈——盖茨赫德的简·里德小姐——结婚时，里德一家非常生气，取消了她的继承权。我还得知我的父母在结婚一年后就双双因病去世。

　　时间一天天、一星期一星期地过去了，可是里德太太还是不提送我上学的事。一天，她训斥我时，我冷不防向她提了个问题。我事先并无准备，话就这么从我嘴里溜出来了。

　　“如果里德先生活着，他会怎么说？”我问。

　　“什么？”里德太太叫道，她冷漠的灰眼睛充满恐惧地盯着我，好像我是个鬼。我必须接着说下去。

　　“我的里德舅舅现在在天堂，可以知道你所想的和你干的事，我父母也知道。他们知道你多么恨我，对我多么残忍。”

　　里德太太给了我一个耳光，一言不发地走开了。贝茜训了我一个钟头，说我是世界上最不感恩的孩子。的确，我心中充满仇恨，连自己都觉得自己坏。

　　圣诞节过去了，我没有礼物，也没有新衣服。每天晚上，我都看着伊丽莎和乔治娜换上新裙子去参加舞会。贝茜有时到我孤零零的卧室来，带块蛋糕或讲个故事，有时吻吻我，与我道晚安。她对我好时，我觉得她是世界上最好的人，但她不是总有时间陪我。

　　1月15日早晨，贝茜跑到我的房间里，说有个客人要见我。是谁呢？我知道里德太太也会在场，我怕再见到她。我害怕地走进早餐室，抬起头来，看到的是一根黑柱子！至少，在我看来他的模样就是这样。他又高又瘦，身穿黑衣，上端是一张冰冷、僵硬的脸。

　　“这就是我信中提到的女孩。”里德太太对冷冰冰的陌生人说。

　　“啊，简·爱，”陌生人低沉地说，“你是个好孩子吗？”

　　里德太太坐在那里，我不可能答“是”，于是只好沉默。

　　“布鲁克赫斯特先生，这点最好少提。”里德太太边说边摇头。

　　“真遗憾。”他说。“简·爱，到这儿来回答我的问题。坏人死后去哪里？”

　　“进地狱。”我答道。

　　“你应该做什么才能不进地狱呢？”他问。

　　我想了想，但找不到正确的答案。

　　“我必须保持健康，不要死去。”我答道。

　　“不对，随时都有比你还小的孩子死去。另一个问题，你喜欢读《圣经》吗？”

　　“是的，有时喜欢。”我犹豫着答道。

　　“这还不够，你的回答表明你有颗邪恶的心。如果你想进天堂，你就要向上帝祈祷改变它。”

　　里德太太打断他说：“布鲁克赫斯特先生，我在信中已向你说起这孩子性情很坏。如果你收她进洛伍德学校，就得让所有女学监和教师知道她有多么不老实，她肯定会对她们撒谎。简，你瞧！你不能在布鲁克赫斯特先生那儿耍花招。”

　　无论过去我下了多大功夫取悦里德太太，她总是往最坏里想我。我变得这么恨她也就没什么奇怪的了。现在她又当着生人的面指责我，我到学校开始新生活的愿望开始破灭了。

　　“太太，不必担心。”布鲁克赫斯特先生说。“教师们会严密监督她，洛伍德的生活对她有好处。我们信仰的是刻苦耐劳、节衣简食，无任何奢侈可言。”

　　“布鲁克赫斯特先生，我会尽快把她送去。我希望你们能根据她的低下身份教导她。”

　　“的确是这样，太太。我希望她能为得到改造其品性的机会而表示感激。小姑娘，读读这本书，其中讲的是一个撒谎的女孩突然死去的故事。读吧，祈祷吧！”

　　布鲁克赫斯特先生把书递给我，然后走了。我觉得我必须说话，怒火在我胸中燃烧。我走到里德太太面前，直盯着她的眼睛。

　　“我不骗人。如果我真的撒谎，我会说我爱你！可是，我不爱你，我恨你！只要我活着，我不会再叫你舅妈。如果有人问我你是怎么待我的，我会以实相告，告诉他们你待我很凶。大家都把你当好人，可是你却在骗他们。”

　　话还没说完，我就已经感到无比轻松和自由，我终于说出了我的感受。里德太太看上去既害怕又难受。

　　“简，我想做你的朋友，你不明白你都说了些什么。你太激动了，回房里躺下歇会儿吧。”

　　“我不躺下，我很冷静。里德太太，快把我送去上学，我讨厌住在这里。”

　　里德太太自语道：“我是得尽快让她走。”