英语听力：苔丝.Tess.of.The.D'Urbervilles 15

　　15

　　When Clare woke up the next morning，the sky was grey and the sun was not shining．The fireplace in the room was full of cold ashes．The two full glasses of wine still stood untouched on the table．

　　When the cleaning woman came，he sent her away，not wanting a third person in the house He found wood to make a fire，and prepared breakfast．People passing the farmhouse saw the smoke rising from the chimney，and envied the newly- married couple in their happiness．

　　‘Breakfast is ready！’he called upstairs in a normal voice．

　　Tess came down immediately．She was already dressed，but her hands and face were cold．She had no fire in her bedroom， where she had been sitting waiting for his call，and staring at the dying mistletoe．Clare's polite words gave her a moment of hope，which died，however，when she saw his face．

　　They were both，in fact，the ashes of their former fires． After last night's passionate sorrow，they both felt heavy and lacking in energy．

　　Tess went up to Angel，touching him lightly with her fingers．Was this really the man who once loved her？ Her eyes were bright，her cheeks still round，but her lips were pale． She looked absolutely pure．Angel looked at her in wonder． ‘Tess！Say it isn't true！It can't be true！’ ‘It is true．’

　　‘Every word？’

　　‘Every word．’

　　He world almost have preferred her to lie，so that he could believe her blindly，but she repeated，‘It is true．’

　　‘Is he living？’asked Angel．

　　‘The baby died．’

　　‘But the man？’

　　‘He is alive．’

　　‘Is he in England？’

　　‘Yes．’

　　Despair passed over Clare's face．He moved vaguely around the room．

　　‘Look，’he said，‘I thought—any man would have thought－that if I didn't look for knowledge，good family， and wealth in a wife，if I sacrificed all that，I would be sure of finding a country girl who was at least pure… but… but I should not accuse you．’

　　Tess understood his feelings perfectly．She saw that he had lost in every way．

　　‘Angel—I would not have married you if I had not known that，after all，there is a way out for you… only I hoped you would never… ’She was close to tears．

　　‘A way out？’

　　‘You can divorce me．’

　　‘Good heavens！How can you be so stupid？How can I divorce you？’

　　‘Can't you，now I have told you everything？’

　　‘Oh Tess，you are so childish！You don't understand the law．No，I can't．’

　　There was shame and misery in Tess's face．

　　‘I thought you could，’she whispered．‘Don't think I planned this！I really believed you could take that way out．Oh，then I ought to have done it last night．But I didn't have the courage．That's just like me！’

　　‘The courage to do what？’he asked．

　　‘To put an end to myself．’

　　‘Where？’

　　‘In the bedroom，under your mistletoe．With the rope from my box．But I couldn't in the end！I was afraid that people would talk and you would suffer from that．’

　　Clare was shaken by this unexpected confession．

　　‘Now，listen．You must never think of such a wicked thing again．Promise me as your husband never to do anything like that．’

　　‘I promise．I see it was wicked．But，Angel，it was to set you free，and to avoid a divorce，which everyone would talk about．But dying by my own hand is too good for me．You，my husband，should kill me．I think I would love you more，if that were possible，if you could bring yourself to do it．I am so much in your way！’

　　‘Quiet！Don't talk about it．’

　　‘Well，just as you wish．I will do whatever you like．’They sat down to breakfast，tired and sad．They did not look at each other and they did not eat much．Angel left soon afterwards to start his studies at the flour－mill nearby．Tess cleared the ashes from the fireplace，cleaned the house and prepared the lunch，waiting for his return．At lunch they talked politely of work at the flour－mill and methods of milling．In the afternoon he went back to the mill，and in the evening he studied his books and papers．Tess felt she was in his way and went to the kitchen．He came to find her there．

　　‘Don't work in the kitchen like this，’he said．‘You're not my servant，you're my wife．’

　　She looked happier．‘You mean，I can think of myself as that？’She asked，trembling．

　　‘What do you mean，Tess？You are my wife，of course．’

　　‘I don't know，she said，with tears in her eyes．‘I told you long ago I wasn't good enough for you．And I'm not good enough！I was right！But you persuaded me！’

　　She turned her back on him，sobbing as if her heart would break．It would have won round any man but Angel Clare．Deep in him lay a hard logic，which had resisted the Church，and now resisted Tess．She accepted his treatment of her as being what she deserved．She would never have thought of criticizing his hardness．To her he was still perfection．

　　Another day passed by in the same way．Only once did Tess try to get closer to her husband．As he was leaving for the flour－mill，she put up her mouth to be kissed．He ignored the invitation，and said goodbye coldly．She felt as if he had hit her．How often had he wanted to kiss her in those happy days at Talbothays！

　　But on his way to the mill Angel regretted his coldness．He wished he had been kinder to her and kissed her once at least．

　　So they lived through another day-together in the same house，but more separately than ever before．Clare was desperately wondering what to do．Tess no longer even hoped for forgiveness．That evening she said bravely：

　　‘I suppose you aren't going to live with me long，are you，Angel？’She found it difficult to control the muscles of her face．

　　‘No．How can we live together as man and wife while that man lives？He is your natural husband，I'm not．If he were dead，that might be different．Anyway，have you thought of the future？have you thought we might have children？They would find out about this．Everybody would talk about it．Can you imagine them growing up under a cloud like that？They would hate you for it．’

　　Tess's head was bent．Her eyes felt so heavy they were almost closed．‘No，I can't ask you to stay with me，’she whispered．‘I hadn't thought of it like that．’

　　She had hoped，as women do，that living together for a time would break down his coldness．Being near him every day was her only hope of winning him back．But she had never imagined she might have children who would reject her．She now remembered how she had criticized her mother for bringing babies into the world without being able to look after them．She realized that she might have made the same mistake as Joan Durbeyfield．She completely accepted Angel's argument．

　　She could have argued that if they went as planned to farm in another country，nobody would know about her past．But perhaps she was right not to argue．A woman knows not only her own sorrow but also her husband's．He might keep the bitterness alive in his heart，even if nobody knew or talked about it at all．She had lost．

　　On the third day she said，‘I accept what you say．We must separate．’

　　‘But what can you do？’

　　‘I can go home．’

　　Clare had not thought of that．‘Can you really？’

　　‘Yes．If I am with you all the time，I may persuade you to stay，against your better judgement．Then you and I would both be sorry．I must go．’

　　‘Right，’said Angel．His face was pale but his voice was determined．

　　Tess was slightly shocked．He had agreed so quickly to her generous offer！

　　‘I didn't like to suggest it，’he said，‘but as you have，I think it's a good idea to part—at least for a while．God knows，we may come togetner again one day！’

　　So they both prepared to leave the following day．That night Tess was woken by a noise in the house．At first she thought Angel was coming to her bedroom，and her heart beat wildly with joy．But then she saw his eyes staring emptily ahead of him，and knew he was walking in his sleep．He came to the middle of her room and said very sadly，‘Dead！Dead！Dead！Poor darling Tess！So sweet，so good，so pure！My wife，dead！’

　　These words，which he would never say when awake，were very sweet to Tess．She would not have moved to save her life．She lay in absolute stillness，trying not to breathe，wondering what he was going to do with her．Her trust in him was complete．

　　He picked her up and carried her to the stairs．Was he going to throw her down？She knew he was leaving her the next day，perhaps for ever．She almost hoped they would fall and die together．

　　He continued downstairs，taking her out of the house towards the river．She had given herself totally up to him， and did not care what happened to her as long as she was with him．They arrived at a place where the river was fast and deep，and Angel started to cross it on the narrow footbridge，still holding Tess．Perhaps he wanted to drown her．Even that would be better than separation．

　　As they crossed，the water rushed fiercely below them．If Tess had moved in his arms，they would both have fallen into the dangerous water．But she had no right to take his life，although her own was worthless，so she stayed still．

　　Angel walked purposefully towards a ruined church near the river．Against the old wall was an empty stone tomb．In this he carefully laid Tess，and kissing her lips，sighed deeply and happily．He immediately lay down on the ground next to the tomb，and looked fast asleep．

　　Tess stepped out of the tomb and managed to persuade Angel to walk back to the house，without waking him．It was very cold outside，and both had only night clothes on．She helped him to his sofa bed in the living room，and he still did not wake up．

　　Next morning he seemed to remember nothing of the night's experiences，and Tess did not refer to his sleepwalking．They finished packing and left the farmhouse，where they had hoped to be so happy．After driving some distance Angel stopped the carriage to get down and continue on foot．Tess was going further on in the carriage．He spoke seriously to her as they separated．

　　‘Now remember，’he said，‘ I am not angry with you，but I cannot bear to live with you at the moment．I will try to accept it．But until I come to you，you should not try to come to me．’

　　The punishment seemed a heavy one to Tess．Had she really deserved this？

　　‘May I write to you？’

　　‘Oh yes，if you are ill or need anything．You probably won't，so I might be the first to write．’

　　‘I agree to the conditions，Angel，because you know best．Only don't make it too much for me to bear！’

　　That was all she said．If she had sobbed or fainted or begged him，he would probably have given way．But she made it easy for him．He gave her some money and they said goodbye．He stood on the road watching the carnage continue up the hill，secretly hoping that Tess would look back．But she was lying half dead with misery inside．He turned to walk on alone， not realizing thai he still loved her．

　　15

　　第二天早晨克莱尔睡醒时，天空灰蒙蒙的，没有阳光照耀。房间的壁炉里堆满了冰冷的柴灰。两杯满满的酒仍旧摆在桌子上，不曾被动过。

　　当那个女清洁工到来时，他把她打发走了，他不想房子里有第三个人。他找了些木头，生起了火，开始做早饭。路过这农舍的人看到烟囱里升起炊烟，都羡慕这对幸福的新婚夫妇。

　　“早饭难备好了！”他用一种平常的声音冲着楼上喊道。

　　苔丝马上就下来了。她已经穿好了衣服，但手和脸都冰凉冰凉的。她的卧室里没有生火，她就在那儿一直坐着，盯着那束快要枯死的藤枝，等着他叫她。克莱尔彬彬有礼的言谈让她产生了一瞬间的希望，但是，当她看到他的面孔时，这希望消逝了。

　　实际上，他们俩都是他们从前火焰的灰烬。在经历了昨夜的极度悲痛之后，他们俩都很沉重，而且疲惫不堪。

　　苔丝走到安吉尔身边，用手指轻轻地碰碰他。这真地就是那个曾经爱过她的男人吗？她的眼睛晶莹明亮，两颊依然丰满圆润，只是她的双唇没有血色。她看起来纯洁得不容置疑。安吉尔惊诧地注视着她。

　　“苔丝！说吧，那不是真的！那不可能是真的！”

　　“是真的。”

　　“句句是真？”

　　“句句是真。”

　　他几乎宁愿她撒个谎，这样他就可以睁只眼闭只眼地相信她，但是她重复道：“是真的。”

　　“他还活着吗？”安吉尔问道。

　　“孩子死了。”

　　“可那个人呢？”

　　“他还活着”。

　　“他在英国吗？”

　　“是的。”

　　一种绝望的神情掠过克莱尔的脸，他茫然地在房间里踱来踱去。

　　“你瞧，”他说，“我原以为——任何男人都会这么以为的——如果在一个妻子身上，我不寻求学识、好的出身和财富的话，如果我牺牲这一切的话，那么我确信我会找到一个至少是纯洁的乡下姑娘……但是……但是，我不应该谴责你。”

　　苔丝了解他的感情，知道他已经完全不知所措了。

　　“安吉尔，假如当时我没有意识到这事对你来说至少还有一条出路的话，我是不会和你结婚的……只是我曾希望你将永远不会……”她说着就要哭了。

　　“一条出路？”

　　“你可以和我离婚。”

　　“天哪！你怎么会这么傻呢？我怎么能同你离婚呢？”

　　“你难道不能吗，既然我已经把一切都告诉你了？”

　　“哦，苔丝，你太幼稚了！你不懂法律。不，我不能离婚。”

　　苔丝的脸上露出了羞愧、痛苦的神情。

　　“我原以为你能这么做的，”她轻声说，“不要认为我是算计好的！我真地以为你可以用这种方式解脱的。哦，那昨晚我真应该那么做，可是我没有胆量。我这个人就是这样！”

　　“有胆量去做什么？”他问。

　　“结束我自己的生命。”

　　“在哪儿？”

　　“在卧室里，在你的桑藤下。用我箱子上解下的绳子。但是最终我没做成！我怕人们会议论，你会因此蒙受痛苦。”

　　克莱尔被这出乎意料的供认惊得发颤。

　　“现在，听着。你必须永远不再想那样邪恶的事情。向我，向你的丈夫保证你永远不会做出那种事情。”

　　“我保证。我明白这是邪恶的。但是，安吉尔，这是让你获得自由的办法。这样就可以避免一次让人人都议论的离婚。但是，死在我自己手里对我太宽容了。你，我的丈夫，应该杀了我。如果有这种可能，如果你让你自己这么做的话，我想我会更爱你的。我给你带来了这么多的麻烦！”

　　“别说了！别再说这个了。”

　　“好，照你的意思做，无论你想要我做什么，我都会照办的。”

　　又疲惫又伤心地，他们坐下来吃早饭。他们谁也没看对方一眼，草草地吃了一点儿。安吉尔吃完后很快就离开了，到附近的面粉厂，开始学习技术。苔丝清扫了壁炉里的灰烬，打扫了房子，准备午饭，等着他回来。吃午饭时他们客气地谈了谈面粉厂的工作情况以及加工面粉的方法。下午，他又到面粉厂去了，晚上就看他的书和报纸。苔丝觉得自己妨碍他了，就到厨房去了。他到那儿找到了她。

　　“不要在厨房里这样干活。”他说道，“你不是我的用人，你是我的妻子。”

　　她看起来高兴了些。“你的意思是，我可以这样看待自己？”

　　“苔丝，你这是什么意思？当然了，你是我的妻子。”

　　“我不知道。”她说道，眼里噙着泪水。“我很早以前就给你讲过，我不够好，配不上你。现在我也不够好！我是对的！但是你说服了我！”

　　她转过身去背对着他，心痛欲碎般地啜泣着。这本来会使任何一个男人软下心来，但是安吉尔·克莱尔却无动于衷。在他内心深处，存在着一种坚硬的理性，这种理性让他抵触过教会，现在又来抵触苔丝了。她接受了他对她的态度，把它看做理所当然的。在她眼里，他依然完美。

　　同样的生活又过去了一天。苔丝只尝试过一次去接近她的丈夫。他要离开到面粉厂去的时候，她凑上她的唇，等他吻她。他对她的主动表示不加理睬，只是冷冷地说了声再见。当时她的感觉就像挨了他的打。在塔尔勃塞那些快乐的日子里，他是多么经常地想要吻她啊！

　　但是在去往面粉厂的路上，安吉乐对自己的冷酷无情感到后悔。他真希望自己刚才能对她好一些，至少吻她一下。

　　于是，他们又捱过去了一天——一起生活在同一幢屋里，可是彼此间的距离却比以往任何时候都大。克莱尔拼命地考虑该怎么办。苔丝对得到宽恕甚至都不再抱希望了。那天晚上，她勇敢地说道：

　　“我猜想你不打算同我长久地一起生活，是吗，安吉尔？”她发现想控制面部的肌肉真是困难。

　　“是的。那个人还活着，我们怎么能像夫妇那样一起生活呢？他是你实质上的丈夫，而我却不是。如果他已经死了，情况也许会不同。不过，你考虑过将来没有？考虑过我们也许会有孩子吗？他们会知道这件事，人人都会议论它。你能想象他们在那样的阴影中成长吗？他们会因此而恨你的。”

　　苔丝的头垂下去了。她的眼睛感到沉重得几乎要闭上了。“不，我不能要求你和我在一起，”她轻声说道，“我还从没考虑过那些事情。”

　　她本来希望，像所有女人们会做的那样，一起生活一段时间，会消除他的冷漠。她赢回他的心的唯一希望便是每天都伴在他身旁。但她从来都没想过她也许会有孩子，而他们会排斥她。她现在想起来她怎样地责怪过她母亲，说她无力照管孩子，却把他们带到这个世界来了。她意识到，她也许会和琼·德北犯同样的错误。她完全接受了安吉尔的论点。

　　她原可以争辩说，他们可以按照原计划到另一个国家的农场去，在那儿，没有人会知道她的过去。但是她没有争辩，也许这是对的。一个女人不但了解自己的痛苦，而且了解她丈夫的痛苦。即使根本没有人知道或提起这件事，他也许还是会让这份苦楚存在他心里。她已经输了。

　　到了第三天，她说：“我接受你讲的道理。我们必须分开。”

　　“但是你怎么办呢？”

　　“我可以回娘家。”

　　克莱尔不曾想到过这事。“你真的行吗？”

　　“是的，如果我和你朝夕相处的话，我也许会说服你留下来，这有悖你更为合理的判断，然后我们俩都会后悔的。我必须走。”

　　“你说得对，”安吉尔说。他的脸很苍白，但他的语气很坚决。

　　苔丝微微有些震惊。对她慷慨大方的提议，他竟同意得这么快！

　　“我并不想提出这个建议，”他说，“但是你既然提出了，我认为分开是个好办法——至少分开一段时间。上帝知道，也许有朝一日，我们又会走到一起的！”

　　于是两个人都准备第二天离开。当晚，苔丝被房子里发出的声响惊醒了。起先，她以为是安吉尔到她卧室来了，她的心欢喜得一阵狂跳。但是，随后她看清了他的眼睛正茫然空洞地直视着前方，知道他这是在梦游。他来到她房间当中，悲戚地说道：“死了！死了！死了！可怜的，亲爱的苔丝！你是多么温柔，多么可爱，多么纯洁呀！”

　　这些他醒着的时候永远不会说的话，在苔丝听来，是那么地甜蜜。她不愿为拯救自己而躲避。她一动也不动地躺着，尽力不呼吸。她急切地想知道他会对她做些什么。她对他的信任是完完全全的。

　　他把她抱起来，托着她朝楼梯走去。他要把她摔下去吗？她知道他明天就要离开她了，也许是永远地离开了。她几乎希望他们一起跌下楼，一起死去。

　　他继续下楼，又把她抱出了房子，朝那条河走去。她把自己整个儿托付给他了，只要能和他在一起，她不在乎她会出什么事。他们到了一个河水又急又深的地方，安吉尔还是抱着苔丝，开始穿越那条狭窄的人行桥。也许他想淹死她。但即使是那样，也比分离好啊。

　　在他们过桥的时候，下面的河水在凶猛湍急地奔流。如果苔丝在他怀里动一动，他们就会双双落入这凶多吉少的河流中。尽管她自己的生命无足轻重，但是她没有权力带走他的生命，因此，她静静地躺着。

　　安吉尔下意识地走到了河流附近的一座残破的教堂。靠着那座旧墙，有一个空石墓。他把苔丝小心翼翼地放到了里面，吻着她的唇，深深地、愉快地叹息着。然后，他就躺倒在坟墓旁边的地面上。看起来他已经熟睡了。

　　苔丝从坟墓中走了出来，她设法诱导安吉尔和她走回家去，又不惊醒他。外面很冷，而他们俩都只穿着睡衣。她扶他上了起居室里他那张沙发床，而他仍然没有醒过来。

　　第二天早晨，他像是一点儿也记不起来夜里的经历了，而苔丝也没有提起他梦游的事。他们收拾好了行李，就离开了农舍——他们原来希望在那儿度过一段幸福时光的。驾车前行了一段路后，安吉尔停住马车，下来继续步行。苔丝还要坐着马车往前走。在他们告别的时候，他神情严肃地对她说了些话。

　　“嗯，记住，”他说，“我不怨恨你，可是，这个时候，我无法忍受和你生活在一起。我将会尽力去接受它。但是，在我回到你身边之前，你最好不要来找我。”

　　这种惩罚对苔丝像是很严酷。她真地是罪有应得吗？

　　“我可以给你写信吗？”

　　“哦，可以，如果你生了病或有什么需要的话。可能你不会有这种事，所以也许是我先给你写。”

　　“我同意这些条件，安吉尔，因为你最懂得该怎么办。只是不要做得让我无法承受！”

　　那就是她全部的话。如果当时她哭了、晕倒了或是向他求情，他都可能会屈服让步的。但是她让他轻轻松松地过了这一关。他给了她一笔钱，然后他们就互相道别了。他站在路上，看着马车继续朝山头驶去，默默地希望苔丝能回头看一眼。但是怀着极大痛苦的苔丝此时已近乎昏厥。他转身独自朝前走了，并不知道自己依然是爱她的。