gre写作实例解析

 　　题目：

　　Too much time, money, and energy are spent developing new and more elaborate technology. Society should instead focus on maximizing the use of existing technology for the immediate 1 benefit of its citizens.
　　I must say that I reject this statement. While it is true that we need to support society as much as possible with current technology, that does not in any way mean that we should stop progressing simply because our current technology cannot handle all the problems we have brought to it. Does that mean that we should simply accept the status quo and make do? No, I don’t think so. To do so would be tantamount to adopting a fatalistic approach; I think most people would reject that.
　　Technology has helped, and it has hurt. Without it, we would never have our standard of living, nor quality of nutrition, expectation of a long and productive life span, and the unshakable belief that our lives can be made even better. But it has also brought us universal pollution, weapons so powerful as to be capable of rendering 2 us extinct, and the consequent fear for our survival as species and as a planet. Technology is indeed a double-edged sword. And yet, I still have to argue in its favor, because without it, we have no hope.
　　Some might argue that we would be better off without technology. They might say that a return to a less technologically 4 driven approach to life would have the benefits of reducing stress and allowing us to live simpler, happier lives, like those of our forebears. Such an idea is seductive, so much so that much of art and all of nostalgia 5 are devoted 6 to it. But upon closer inspection 7, one realizes that such a move would only return us to a life of different kinds of stress, one of false simplicity 8, one fraught 9 with danger. It would be a life without antibiotics 10 where a minor 11 cut could prove deadly. It would be a life where childbirth is the main killer 12 of women, and where an emergency is dealt with in terms of hours and days instead of minutes and hours; a life where there are no phones or cars or planes or central heating, no proven drug therapies to treat mental illness, no computers. Would this world really make people happy?
　　What we already have, we have. And since the only way to move is forward, instead of allowing ourselves to be paralyzed by fear and worry, we need to learn how to clean up the pollution we have caused, and how to deal with a world that feeds on weapons and mass destruction. Doing these things means having to move away from technology into a more difficult realm, that of diplomacy 13 and compromise: to move from the bully 14 stance of “I am bigger and better and I have more toys and so I win” to a place where everyone wins.
　　Technology is the thing that will allow people to do that. But, advanced as it is, it is still in its infancy 15. We have to allow it to grow up and mature in order to reap the real rewards that it can bring. And there are even greater rewards ahead of us than what the world has already experienced. When technology is pushed to the outer edge, that is where serendipitous 16 discoveries can occur. This has been seen throughout technological 3 advancement 17, but the easiest example is probably the space program which made us think, really hard, about how to do things in a different environment. It gave us telecommunications, new fabrics 18 and international cooperation. Paramedical devices, so that people can be treated even as they are being transported to the hosptal, are a direct development of that technology. None of this would have happened in the time frame that it did if we had not pushed for technological advancement. If we had decided 19 to “focus on maximizing the use of existing technology” instead of foolishly reaching for the stars, we would not have made those discoveries which now are the bedrock of the 21st century.
　　分析：
　　字数：651
　　语言：平实的语句完全没有网络流行模板的痕迹，也是许多过了6级的考生通过练习可以达到的水平。
　　I must say that I reject this statement.
　　Does that mean that we should simply accept the status quo and make do? No, I don’t think so.
　　Technology has helped, and it has hurt.
　　Technology is indeed a double-edged sword. And yet, I still have to argue in its favor, because without it, we have no hope.
　　当然，这并不意味，在GRE作文考试中，平实的语言比润色后的语言有更多的优势。从这篇作文中，我们可以得到以下两条重要信息：
　　1、 通过记忆大量模板使语言“全副武装”、“气势汹汹”并非高分作文的必要条件，这种方式的弊端在课堂上我们已阐述过。
　　2、 在陈述idea的过程中，体现出critical thinking才是成功的关键。我们在课堂上对critical thinking这一概念做过多次详细的解释，现在请大家一起来体会这一概念在文中的运用。
　　第一段：
　　(表明立场)I must say that I reject this statement. (让步)While it is true that we need to support society as much as possible with current technology, (折回自己立场)that does not in any way mean that we should stop progressing simply because our current technology cannot handle all the problems we have brought to it.
　　第二段：
　　(概述科技的两面性)Technology has helped, and it has hurt. (具体讨论科技的贡献)Without it, we would never have our standard of living, nor quality of nutrition, expectation of a long and productive life span, and the unshakable belief that our lives can be made even better. (具体讨论科技的危害)But it has also brought us universal pollution, weapons so powerful as to be capable of rendering us extinct, and the consequent fear for our survival as species and as a planet. Technology is indeed a double-edged sword. (表明已考虑到科技的危害，但是依然坚持自己立场)And yet, I still have to argue in its favor, because without it, we have no hope.
　　第三段：
　　(提出反方的立场)Some might argue that we would be better off without technology. They might say that a return to a less technologically driven approach to life would have the benefits of reducing stress and allowing us to live simpler, happier lives, like those of our forebears. Such an idea is seductive, so much so that much of art and all of nostalgia are devoted to it. (通过具体论据反驳反方的观点)But upon closer inspection, one realizes that such a move would only return us to a life of different kinds of stress, one of false simplicity, one fraught with danger. It would be a life without antibiotics where a minor cut could prove deadly. It would be a life where childbirth is the main killer of women, and where an emergency is dealt with in terms of hours and days instead of minutes and hours; a life where there are no phones or cars or planes or central heating, no proven drug therapies to treat mental illness, no computers. Would this world really make people happy?
　　第四段：
　　(在第三段驳论的基础上进一步立论)What we already have, we have. And since the only way to move is forward, instead of allowing ourselves to be paralyzed by fear and worry, we need to learn how to clean up the pollution we have caused, and how to deal with a world that feeds on weapons and mass destruction. Doing these things means having to move away from technology into a more difficult realm, that of diplomacy and compromise: to move from the bully stance of “I am bigger and better and I have more toys and so I win” to a place where everyone wins.
　　第五段：
　　Technology is the thing that will allow people to do that. (指出支持观点存在的一点不足)But, advanced as it is, it is still in its infancy. (解决方案)We have to allow it to grow up and mature in order to reap the real rewards that it can bring. And there are even greater rewards ahead of us than what the world has already experienced. When technology is pushed to the outer edge, that is where serendipitous discoveries can occur. This has been seen throughout technological advancement, but the easiest example is probably the space program which made us think, really hard, about how to do things in a different environment. It gave us telecommunications, new fabrics and international cooperation. Paramedical devices, so that people can be treated even as they are being transported to the hospital, are a direct development of that technology. None of this would have happened in the time frame that it did if we had not pushed for technological advancement. If we had decided to “focus on maximizing the use of existing technology” instead of foolishly reaching for the stars, we would not have made those discoveries which now are the bedrock of the 21st century.
　　当然，提高critical thinking能力的同时，也很有必要包装语言。我们在课上已经介绍了安全、有效的方法，下一篇博文将通过实例进一步强化这种方法。