你有权保持沉默

 　　Your cell phone is ringing. Your inbox is overflowing 1. Your friend wants to discuss her son's glue-sniffing habit. Martha Beck has news for you—you don't have to Be There for all people all the time. Just follow her escape routes.

　　手机铃声响个不停，收件箱爆满，朋友想讨论她儿子吸强力胶（以达麻醉、迷幻效果）的习惯。Martha Beck告诉你——你不必事事、时时帮助每个人，遵循她的“逃跑”路线吧。
　　The great English writer E.M. Forster may have valued connection above all else, but for us 21st-century folks, disconnection is as necessary as connection for creating a healthy, happy life. When we force ourselves to connect against our heart's desires, we create false, resentful relationships; when we disconnect from the people who deplete 2 us, we set them free to find their tribes 3 while we find ours. I've listed some of my favorite disconnection strategies below, in the hope that you might find them useful.
　　伟大英国作家爱德华·摩根·福斯特也许把关系看得比什么都重要，但是对21世纪的我们来说，想要过健康快乐的生活，脱离关系和拥有关系一样必要。违背心愿建立的关系是虚假、怨恨的关系；当我们脱离那些损耗我们的人，我们给了他们寻找同类的自由，也给了我们自己寻找同类的自由。下面列出了一些我最喜爱的脱离方法，希望有用。
　　1. Hide. Blame my high school English teacher—I'll call her Mrs. Jensen—who married at 17, bore her first child at 19, and was a farmwife and mother of four by age 22. When she felt overwhelmed 4, she'd retreat into a field of tall corn near her house and hide there, listening to her children search for her, until she heard a cry of genuine pain or felt ready to reconnect, whichever came first. "Martha," Mrs. Jensen told me, "every woman needs a cornfield. No matter what's happening in your life, find yourself a cornfield and hide there whenever you need to."
　　隐藏。想出这点子，都怪那个叫Jensen夫人的高中英语老师。她十七岁嫁人，十九岁生下第一个孩子，二十二岁时，这农妇是四个孩子的妈。当她感到无法应对时，她会躲入她家附近一片高玉米地，听着孩子寻找她的声音，直到听见真正痛苦的哭喊，或自己准备恢复与现实生活的联系。Jensen曾告诉我：“Martha，每个女人都需要一片玉米地。不管发生了什么，找到自己的一片玉米地，需要的时候躲起来。”
　　I've used hundreds of other "cornfields" over the years: cars, forests, hotels, bathrooms. I've been known to hide for days, but even a few minutes can calm my strung-out nerves—or yours. If you don't already have a cornfield, find one now.
　　长期以来，我用了很多“玉米地”：汽车、森林、宾馆、浴室。我能消失好几天，这一点让我出名了。但是即便几分钟也能平静我紧绷的神经。或者你也可以。如果你还没有一片玉米地，现在就找一个。
　　2. Go primitive 5. We all know that technological 6 advances have made connection easier than ever before. They've also led some people to think that breaking away is a violation 7 of the social order. At such times, I become downright Amish, religiously committed to avoiding all modern communication technology. I unplug phones, computers, intercoms and fax machines, risking opprobrium 8, because I know that if I don't lose touch with some of the people who are trying to reach me, I'll lose touch with myself. The over-connected me is a cranky, tired fussbudget. Silence is golden if it keeps me from broadcasting that fretful self into my network of treasured relationships.
　　回归原始。我们都知道技术进步让联系比以往任何时候都要容易。也让一些人认为逃避是对社交秩序的侵犯。这时候，我干脆变成一名门诺派教徒，虔诚地回避一切现代通讯技术。我冒着被骂的危险，把电话、电脑、对讲机、传真机都关了。因为我知道，如果我不躲开那些要联系我的人，我将失去自己。在过渡联系中的那个“我”是易怒、疲倦、吹毛求疵。如果沉默能避免烦躁的我损害珍贵的关系，那么它就是金。