过年大吐槽：我为什么害怕过春节？

 　　For me, Chinese New Year used to be fun.

　　对于我来说，过去感觉过年很有意思呢。
　　When I was a kid, I was excited during Chinese New Year when I got lai see and I could stay up late. I even had access to candy, a once-a-year treat while living under the roof of my Tiger Mom.
　　孩提时的我，一到过年就兴奋不已，我虽平日生活在我家虎妈的“淫威”下，但过年我就可以收到红包了，可以熬夜了，甚至还有机会收到一年才能吃到一次的糖果了。
　　Riding strong on the sugar highs, I always thought to myself, this is what it must feel like to be an adult. I was flush, free and giddy.
　　糖果的甜味久久回味，小时候我一直以为，这就是长大成人的感觉，长大了就可以有了一片无拘无束任自己自由驰骋的天地。
　　Then at some point in my twenties, Chinese New Year became a chore. Not any garden variety chore, but a cold-sweat-inducing family obligation that I try hard to avoid.
　　后来，到了我二十多岁的时候，农历新年却变得很苦逼。各种苦逼问题劈头盖脸般扑向你，而我在设法逃避着这种令人冒冷汗的所谓的家庭责任。
　　过年大吐槽：我为什么害怕过春节？
　　As an adult, Chinese New Year is an annual nightmare, for the following reasons:
　　我长大成人了，农历新年与我而言就是一年一度的噩梦一场，有如下原因：
　　1. I find it sucks when you are single
　　你要是单身的话，那就糟透了
　　Relatives feel that they have a right to judge you because you do share bits of DNA 1, so, really, it's almost like they're judging themselves.
　　亲戚们觉得自己有权干涉你的个人感情生活问题，因为你们毕竟部分血脉相连，所以他们说起你的感情问题来真的几乎就像是在说自己一样。
　　Typically, the extended family gathers for Chinese New Year and spends an inordinate 2 amount of time together, during which people get bored and focus their restlessness on judging the younger generation, particularly those who are single.
　　通常情况下，中国新年全家聚在一起的时间比较长，全家聚在一起时一旦觉得无聊，他们就会转而把精力都集中在年轻一代人、特别是单身年轻人的身上。
　　Singledom means a lack of responsibilities and responsibility-free people need to be reined 3 in by the wisdom of elders, or they will be reckless with their directionless lives.
　　单身则代表缺乏责任感，没有责任感的自由人就需要受长辈们的智慧牵制，否则他们的生活就会失去方向。
　　Here are some unavoidable conversations at Chinese New Year. By "conversations" I really mean monologues 4 by one Wise Elder or another, fired away at a particular Single Younger in a trance-like manner:
　　下面的话题就是春节时一些无法避免的对话。这里的“对话” 指的是智者长辈单方面的冗长唠叨，他们陷入一种恍惚状态“指点着”单身的年轻人们：
　　"Why don't you have a boyfriend? If you have a boyfriend, why don't you get married?"
　　“你为什么还没有男朋友？要是你有男朋友，为什么还不结婚？”
　　"Why are you not dieting at least a little bit? Second Cousin Yong Yong will have to start bringing clothes from America for you."
　　“你为什么不少吃一点儿呢？二表哥永永（音译）得要从美国给你带衣服回来啦。”
　　"What happened to your hair? Blue is not such a good color for us Chinese people."
　　“你的头发怎么弄成这副样子了？把头发染成蓝色，这个颜色对于我们中国人来说，可不是什么好颜色。”
　　"Are you saving up for an apartment? Why not? The most important thing in life is to have a roof over your head. You don't want to be homeless, do you? What if the economy collapses 5 again? At least you will have an apartment."
　　“你在攒钱准备买房吗？为什么还不攒钱准备买房呢？人这一辈子有地方住才是大事，你不想无家可归吧？是不是？如果经济再次不行了可怎么办呢？怎么说至少你也得有一套自己的房子住才行啊。”
　　"Why don't you get a better paid job? You are wasting your talent. You will regret your life."
　　“你为什么不找一份薪水再高一些的工作呢？你白读了这么多年的书了。你会后悔你现在过的日子的。”
　　2. I am employed
　　我工作了
　　I loved the great Chinese tradition of gifting lai see. Getting HK$20 for no reason other than tradition really rocked my seven-year-old world.
　　我喜欢送红包这个优良传统。收到20元港币的红包着实震撼了七岁的我的小小世界。
　　I have an income now, so twenty bucks 6 here and there doesn't make a huge difference, but I still retain that childhood anticipation 7 for the red packets. It's just a bit disappointing when I open up an envelope and it isn't concealing 9 a massive check.
　　目前我有了一份自己的收入，因此，这二十块钱无法让我再生感动之情，但我还是对童年收红包的传统习惯有了期待。只是当我打开红包时，看一下红包里面装的钱太少了时，那令人失望的表情丝毫不加掩饰。
　　And it's the guilt 10 from feeling disappointed that makes me really hate Chinese New Year for making me hate myself.
　　而且自己感觉又内疚又失望，这让我真的很讨厌过年，我恨我自己。
　　It's just like being unable to conceal 8 your letdown expression when unwrapping that pair of socks at Secret Santa parties.
　　这就像是当你打开一双秘密圣诞老人的袜子时，你表露出的那种无法掩饰的失望表情。
　　Gifting is a heartwarming tradition. It's the thought that counts. I am not supposed to care. I am a bad person.
　　送礼物是一种让人感觉温馨的优良传统，重在心意。我本不该在乎礼物轻重的，我真是个地道的大坏蛋。
　　There's even worse.
　　还有更糟糕的。
　　Chinese New Year gambling 11 is just out of hand.
　　春节赌博可谓是到了一发不可收拾的地步。
　　Now that I have a job, I'm expected to bet real money at The Mahjong Table, a no man's land filled with hidden agendas, treacherous 12 scheming and Janus-faced traitors 13.
　　现在，我有了一份工作，我盼着在麻将桌上动真格的赢点钱，如同无人区满藏各种制敌取胜的奸诈心计一样算计着赢钱。
　　If you beat your elder relatives at mahjong one too many times, beware their wrath 14. It really hurts when you get hit by a mahjong tile.
　　如果你打麻将总赢你的长辈亲戚们，当心惹恼他们是会向你飞来一个麻将牌的，麻将牌打到身上真是很疼的。