已婚男人想要你知道的11件事

 　　Being married changes people. Some couples become closer and happier. Some become distant.

　　结婚会改变一个人。一些父亲变得更加亲密、更加幸福。而一些则变得疏离。
　　The act of getting married’s easy. Staying married’s hard.
　　结婚的行为很容易。维持婚姻很难。
　　Wisdom in marriage is hard-earned, in stride. Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.
　　婚姻中的智慧得之不易，需要坦然处之。那些没有杀死你的会让你更加强壮。
　　1. Marriage is constant work.
　　婚姻是一种持续的工作。
　　Never stop dating. Always pay attention. Keep learning, sharing, laughing with your partner. Treat yourself well and treat your partner even better. Never neglect your looks or words or actions—or your thoughts. Keep working hard to be a better person, lover, partner, chef, bartender and caretaker, janitor 1 and driver. Seek truth, not to be right.
　　不用停止约会。要一直注重这点。保持和你的伴侣一起学习、分享、大笑。好好对待自己，要更好地对待你的伴侣。永远不要忽视你的外表或言语或行动—或你的想法。努力成为一个更好的人、爱人、伴侣、厨师、服务员和监护人、管理员和司机。寻求真理，但不要做一个纠错的人。
　　Make sure to listen carefully—the first time, every time. Just get stuff done ASAP, on time. Keep your mouth shut; don’t moan and complain. Be helpful, be encouraging. Get your chores done each day, don’t wait. Know when the storm is coming; it will pass. The morning’s wiser than the night. Resolve your argument before you sleep (apologize!)一定要仔细倾听—第一次，以及每一次。把事情尽快地、及时地完成。闭上你的嘴；不要呻吟和抱怨。做个有助于别人的人，给予别人鼓励的人。每天做完你的家务，不要等待。知道什么时候风暴会来临；它会过去。早上比晚上更聪明。在睡觉之前解决你们的争论（道歉！）2. Argument is just not worth it
　　争论并不值得
　　Most of the time, the argument is just not worth it. Pick your battles carefully.
　　大多数时间里，争论并不值得。慎重挑选好你们的冲突。
　　Being right will make you proud one moment, but will piss her off. Bad move. Be smart.
　　做个纠错的人会让你在某刻感到骄傲，但会惹她升起。做个聪明的人。
　　3. Laugh hard
　　大声笑
　　If you can’t laugh, you’ll die. And if you can, you’ll manage through mundane 2, profane 3, the painful and the thrilling.
　　如果你不能大笑，你会死的。如果你能，你会成功渡过世俗、不敬、痛苦和刺激。
　　4. How’s life? How is your wife?
　　生活是怎样的？你的生活是怎样的？
　　One and the same. That’s one cliche 4 both sexes can agree on.
　　完全就是一回事。同一个。这是无论男女都会同意的老生常谈 。
　　5. It can be like riding on a roller coaster就像坐过山车一样
　　How’s married life? The answer can be different any given day. Today is glorious, tomorrow awful. And so what?
　　结婚后的生活是怎样的？答案可能每天都有所不同。今天很美好，而明天则很糟糕。那又如何呢？
　　6. Never compare your couple to any other永远不要拿你的伴侣去和别人比较
　　This always leads to disaster. Never compare your house, your relationship, your sex life, your wealth or anything else to anyone else’s. That’s the first step to being consumed by fear, jealousy 5, envy and all the other negative emotions.
　　这总会导致灾难。永远不要和别人比较你的房子、你的关系、你的性生活、你的财富或其它任何东西。那是被恐惧、嫉妒、嫉恨和所有其它负面情绪支配的第一步。
　　Live your own life. Bring out the best in each other and work on your own couple, per your own standards and expectations.
　　过自己的生活。找出彼此最好的地方，致力于你们夫妻自己的关系，依照你自己的标准和期待。
　　7. Instinct and emotion trump 6 pure reason本能和情感胜过纯粹的理性
　　This is the hardest thing for some people to learn and then accept. Sometimes, one spouse 7 is often right despite what may seem wrongful reasoning, irrational 8 demands, emotional appeals. Reason alone is not enough and leads you down wrong paths. Sometimes you really have to listen to your spouse and follow his or her requests, then ask the questions later.
　　对一些人来说，学习然后接受是最困难的事情。有时候，配偶的一方尽管有着看似错误的推理、非理性的诉求、情感诉求，却常常是正确的。只有理性是不够的，会把你领向错误的道路。有时候你真的要听你的配偶的话，遵循他或她的要求，然后在稍后问问题。
　　8. Well, do you miss the chase?
　　好吧，你错过追求了吗？
　　More to the point, if you’ve stopped chasing your wife, you’ve lost a step yourself. If you’ve stopped exciting her with your jokes, actions and ideas, you need fresh material. It’s your job to keep her excited about you and where you’re going together in life.
　　说得更确切一些，如果你停止了追求你的妻子，那你已经走错一步了。如果你不再用笑话、行动和主义来让她兴奋，那你需要新料。让她保持对你和你们在生活中将要一起度过的地方的兴奋是你的工作。
　　Your wife is a different woman every day. Make things exciting by wooing her like you want to win her. Try something new once in a while. The same goes for those of you with husbands!
　　你的妻子每天都是一个不同的女人。通过像你想要赢得她一样追求她来让事情变得让人兴奋。每段时间尝试些新的东西。这同样适用于你和丈夫们的那些。
　　9. Doesn’t the sex get bad?
　　性没有变坏吗？
　　If you let it, for sure it does. If either of you let things get stale in any part of your relationship—especially this one—it can really bring down the enjoyment 9 factor.
　　如果你需要，那它确实需要。如果你们任意一个把你们关系中的任何部分变得弄僵—尤其是这种—它会真的减少享乐因子。
　　Here’s a novel idea: separate for a few days each month and don’t touch each other at all. When you’re back in the saddle, it’s gooood.
　　这有一个新颖的观点：每月分开一些天，一点儿都不要碰彼此。当你重整旗鼓后，一切都会变得美好。
　　10. Patience isn’t a virtue 10; it’s earned.
　　耐心并不是一种美德；它是赢得的。
　　Patience is the only way you can get past all the frustrations 11 that can pile up when you take two people with different personalities 12, hormones 13, cultures, languages, worldviews, types of hygiene 14, ways or organizing lifeand so on and put them together in one house.
　　耐心是唯一让你通过在你们两个有着不同个性、激素、文化、语言、世界观、各类卫生、方式或组织生活等等的人并把它们放在一个房子内时时积累的所有沮丧的方法。
　　Meditate 15, pray, take a walk around the block. Play the long game. Do whatever you have to do to be patient with your partner and with yourself. You will prevail over your foibles and get over the silly things that cause you to argue and become frustrated 16.
　　冥想、祈祷、绕着街区散步。从长计议。与你的伴侣、与你自己耐心做你必须要做的事情。你会战胜你的弱点和克服引起你争论并变得沮丧的愚蠢的事情。
　　11. Never settle or backslide.
　　永远不要停留或倒退
　　Once you do, your relationship starts a slow death. Maintain the high standards for yourself you had when you met—and impressed—each other and fell in love.
　　一旦你这样做了，你们的关系会慢慢死去。维持你们相见—彼此印象深刻以及坠入爱河时你有过的高标准。