It Rained So Hard Tonight－今夜的雨很大(1)

It rained so hard tonight. I could feel the wind piercing through my ribs 1. A rainy Christmas eve. It just made me feel sadder and lonelier. It had rained the day he was buried into the ground and I had cried just like now.

今夜的雨很大，寒风刺骨。一个下雨的圣诞前夜，这只能让我感到更悲伤、更孤单。他下葬的那一天也是如此的一个雨天，我也是哭的像现在一样。

I was attracted to this cheerful guy when I first started helping 2 out in the 'Home for the Disabled' three years back. He was a very special guy who was almost perfect if not for his eyes. He was blind. He became blind when he was 8.He got the high fever then, and the doctors could do nothing. He lost his sight as a result.He told me he didn't really mind not being able to see because he could always touch and feel things we 'normal' beings weren't able to. I was really touched by his optimism. Even though he was blind, his eyes were the most soulful eyes that I had ever seen. He was extremely helpful towards others and always did his best to give others what he could. He showered his love lavishly 4 on everyone he knew. He was like an angel. He had a kind and unselfish heart. He gave half of what he earned to charity and he would help out at the 'Home' almost everyday.

三年前，当我开始到"残疾人之家"做义工的时候，我认识了他。他是个很特殊的男孩，他的一切近乎完美,……除了他的眼睛。他是个盲人。8岁的时候，他生病了，发高烧，医生也无能为力，后来他的眼睛就看不到东西了。他告诉我，他真的不介意，因为他可以靠触摸来感觉事物，而我们正常人是做不到的。我被他的乐观触动了。虽然他的眼睛看不到东西，却是我所见到的最充满深情的眼睛。他总是帮助别人，并且是尽自己所能的帮助。他向每一个认识的人慷慨的奉献爱心。他像个天使。他有一颗善良而无私的心。他把自己收入的一半捐献给慈善事业，他几乎每天都到"残疾人之家"去做义工。

Whenever we were free from tending to the people at the 'Home', we would talk to one another for a long time. He talked about God a lot and how blessed was he to have found joy in the Lord. He didn't blame God for any misfortunes that had befallen on him. He said the Lord had his reasons for not giving him sight and he didn't blame God for the fact that his parent got killed in an accident when he was barely 12.I felt somewhat ashamed when I heard his words since I had always blamed God for not giving me a prettier face. I bore a grudge 5 against God for not giving this wonderful angel His fullest blessings 6. I thought that God was unfair to him for taking, apart from his sight, his loved ones away from him. I felt that he truly deserved more.

每当在"残疾人之家"做义工有空闲的时候，我们都很愿意和对方交谈，而且经常聊很久。他说很多关于上帝的事，上帝的祝福，他可以从上帝那里得到快乐，他从来不责怪上帝将不幸降临到他的身上。他说，上帝让他看不见东西，有上帝的道理，他从来不抱怨上帝让他的父母在他12岁的时候因为一起交通事故而离开他。当我听到他的这些话时，就感觉很惭愧，因为我总是抱怨上帝没有给我一张漂亮的脸。我讨厌上帝吝惜把最真诚的祝福给Luke。我觉得上帝对他是不公平的，让他看不到东西，让他的亲人离他而去。我认为他真的应该得到更多。

Luke and I were completely different from one another. He was an optimist 7 and I was a pessimist 8. He could overlook flaws easily while I would always pick at others' faults. However we did have one thing in common. We both had an undying passion for astronomy. He told me he still remembered how lovely the stars had looked like before he became blind. And how his dad used to tell him about stars, black holes and space before God took him away to Heaven. One thing he didn't know was that I was silently crying for him all the time while he talked. I knew then that I loved him more than I could ever loved anyone.Luke and I had been together for almost two years. We could hardly bear to be away from one another for less than half a day. We spent most of our time helping out at the 'Home' and 'watching' the stars at a pasture near it. I would tell him the names and shapes of the constellations 9 that appeared in the skies and he would listen carefully with a smile on his face. It seemed like he saw the stars that I told him, behind those soulful eyes that could never see the art of God.

Luke和我是完全不同的两种人。他乐观而我消极。他可以很容易就忽略别人的缺点，而我可能会抓住不放。我们唯一的共同点是都对宇宙有着强烈的好奇心！他告诉我，他仍然可以记得在他失明前看到的美丽星空的样子。他的爸爸在没有被上帝带到天堂之前，常常给他讲述星星、黑洞、宇宙的秘密。有一件事，是他不知道的，每次他在讲述这些的时候，我都会默默的流泪。我知道我爱他多过我爱其它的人。Luke和我在一起差不多两年时间。我们变得难舍难分。我们的大部分时间是在"残疾人之家"做义工和在牧场边看星星中度过的。我告诉他天空中星座的名字和形状，他总是面带微笑的听着，就像他可以亲眼见到似的。这双深情的眼睛却不能看到上帝的艺术。

Maybe God thought that Luke was too good for this world. He decided 10 to bring him back to His side. Luke contracted leukaemia that fateful 1994. He kept his illness from me and thus I didn't know anything about it at all. It was only when he started looking sick that I noticed something was wrong with him. When asked why, he would pass his paleness off as a slight flu. I didn't believe his words but I didn't say anything.

也许上帝认为Luke对这个世界太好了，于是决定将Luke带回自己的身边。1994年Luke得了白血病。他一直都不肯让我知道实情，所以，我对此事一无所知。直到他变得看上去很虚弱，我觉得他病了。当我问他为什么的时候，他却只淡淡地说有点轻微的流感。我不相信他的话，却也不知道说些什么。

It was September 1994. I was waiting at the 'Home' for Luke."A call for you, Calista. It's from a hospital," a helper at the 'Home' passed the phone to me worriedly."Yes, hello? This is Calista here. Can I be of any help?" I asked, chewing my lips nervously 11, sensing bad vibes in my spines 12."This is the Boulevard Hospital. We found your name and this number in Mr Pietra's wallet. He had fainted on the streets just now and someone brought him in. I was hoping that you can come down to the hospital now and help us with the documents."I hung up the phone and ran all the way in the rain to the hospital, which was a mile away.I signed whatever documents that were needed and ran to the ward 3 that Luke was in. There he was my angel, lying almost lifeless on a bed that seemed too large for him."Calista, is that you?" He asked when I held his cold hand."Yes it's me, "I choked on my words."Aww… please don't cry. Everything will be alright," he smiled.I looked at his pale face and it broke my heart."Luke," I sobbed 13."Why is God so unfair to you?" I bawled 14 out on his chest.He stroked my hair and said softly," God is fair, my love. He's gonna take me to a far better place called Heaven. Don't you agree?" I didn't answer him, as I was lost in my own thoughts. I really didn't know what was going to happen to me without him in my life. Moreover, I had this dreary 15 feeling about going to hospitals ever since I was young. I felt so lost and detached from the world. Why must God take away my one and only true love?Three months had passed ever since Luke was admitted into the hospital. It was December and Christmas was nearing. My visits to Luke had grown lesser 16 over the three long painful months. Each time I visited Luke, we would have nothing much to talk about. There was always this awkward silence between us .I didn't know what caused it but I guessed it had something to do with the atmosphere in the hospital. Luke had lost his cheerfulness over the months. He was always too tired to talk. At times, he would try his best to listen to me while I talked to him but the pills they fed him always put him to sleep before I could finish.

1994年9月的一天，我在"残疾人之家"等Luke。一个医院打来的电话，我焦急的接过电话，一种不祥的预感，"这是Boulevard医院，我们在Luke先生的钱包里发现了你的名字和电话。他刚才昏倒在街上，好心人把他送进这里。我们希望你可以来医院办一些手续。"我放下电话，飞奔向医院，外面在下雨，医院离"残疾人之家"有一英里。我办好一切手续冲向Luke的病房。我的天使，他身体虚弱的躺在床上，相对他瘦弱的身躯，病床显得太大了！"Calista是你吗？"当我抓住他冰冷的手时，他问。"是我。"我哽咽着说，"呵，不要哭，事情会好起来的。"他微笑着说。看到他苍白的脸，我的心都要碎了。"Luke"我抽泣者，"为什么上帝对你这么不公平！"我扑到他的胸前大哭，他抚摸着我的头发，轻声说："亲爱的，上帝是公平的，他要带我到一个遥远的叫天堂的地方。你不这样认为吗？"我没有回答他，因为我已经不知道该说什么。我真的不知道如果我的生命里没有他会发生什么。虽然我还年轻，但是当我在医院的时候，我却感觉很凄凉。我觉得我失去了一切，在这个世界上是孤独的！为什么上帝一定要带! 我走我唯一的真爱。Luke住进医院已经三个月了。12月，圣诞节快到了。这三个月痛苦的日子，每次看到Luke都比上次更虚弱。每次看Luke，我们都不说什么，一直是可怕的沉默。我不知道这是为什么，我猜想也许是医院的气氛。过了一个月，Luke就不可以大声的说笑了，他太虚弱了，以致不能说太多的话。那个时候，Luke强打精神听我的讲述，但是他吃的药丸总是让他在没听我讲完之前就睡着了。