六人行FriendsMP3 8-11

The One With Ross抯 Step Forward

[Scene: Central Perk 1. Rachel and Phoebe are there.]

Rachel: Phoebe.

Phoebe: Yeah?

Rachel: Look at that guy by the window. Wow!

Phoebe: He抯 awfully 2 short and I think he抯 talking to himself. And to be completely honest, I don抰 think he抯 that good in bed.

Rachel: Uh! What is wrong with me lately? It抯 like every guy I see! Oh, look at that guy for example. (they stare at a guy behind them) That is not the kind of guy that, that I would be attracted to, but right now, all Ii want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack!

Phoebe: Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy 3, right? This is completely normal. Around the fourth month, your hormones 4 start going completely crazy.

Rachel: So this has happened to you?

Phoebe: Oh, absolutely! Yeah! Keep in mind now, I was carrying triplets. So, in medical terms, I was, I was thrice as randy.

Rachel: Wow, this explains so much!

Phoebe: Um hmm.

Rachel: Last night, I went from store to store sitting on Santas?laps.

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from the Foot Locker 5.

Rachel: Ohhh...

Phoebe: Yeah.

Rachel: Uh! I抣l go see my doctor tomorrow. I抣l ask her about this. And get a pill or something.

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, that抯 what you need, a good pill.

Opening Credits


[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Joey are there. Mona enters.]

Mona: Hey.

Ross / Joey: Hey.

Mona: Hey. (kisses Ross) Look, I have our pictures developed from Rockefeller Center.

Ross: Oh! Hey, Joey, you want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating?

Joey: Ooh, uh, yeah... Ordinarily, I would love to, but right now, I抦 just swamped. Uh, yeah.

(He brushes lint 6 off his shirt and just sits there.)

Ross: Hey, where, where are the pictures that, that creepy pretzel vendor 7 took of us together?

Mona: They抮e probably at the end.

(She flips 8 through them.)

Ross: Oh.

Mona: Oh my God! All he took were pictures of my breasts!!

Joey: Is it picture time?!

(He tries to take a look but they don抰 let him. Phoebe sits down and looks at the pictures.)

Phoebe: Y択now, she has a face, Ross.

Mona: Ok, ok, here抯 a good one of us.

Ross: Wow, that is a good one. Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card, y択now, with the tree in the middle and the, and the skaters and the snow.

Mona: Y択now, every year I say I抦 going to send out holiday cards but I never do it. Do you want to send this one out together?

(Ross stares at it.)

Ross: Together, like to, to people?

Mona: Yeah! Y択now, 揌appy holidays from Mona and Ross.?It抣l be cute, ok?

Ross: Ok!

Mona: Oh, I gotta get to work. So call me later?

Ross: Oh, sure, sure.

(They kiss.)

Mona: Bye.

(She leaves. Joey sits next to Ross.)

Joey: Congratulations! You just got married!

Ross: I know! Can you believe that?

Phoebe: Oh, I, I抦 sorry, what抯 the big deal about a holiday card?

Ross: Married couples send out cards. Families send out cards. Couples that have been dating for a couple of months do not send out cards. What, what, is she crazy?!

Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey, that抯 your wife you抮e talking about.

[Scene: Chandler抯 office. Monica抯 there. His boss, Doug, enters.]

Doug: Bing!! Ooh, and the Bingette!

Chandler: You remember my boss Doug, right?

Monica: Yes, hi.

Doug: So, good news. The divorce is final. I signed the papers this AM.

Chandler: You and Carol are getting a divorce? I抦 sorry.

Doug: Sorry? I finally chewed my leg out of that bear trap. Hey, congratulations to your guys though!

Monica: No leg chewing for us, sir.

Doug: Give it time. So, the divorce, the marriage, we抳e got a lot to celebrate. I抣l take you all to dinner tomorrow night.

Monica: I can抰 think of anything we抮e doing! I cannot think of anything we抮e doing.

Doug: Tomorrow night it is, then. Uh, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment 9 cases at me and I kept knocking them out of the court!

Monica: Ok! We抣l see you tomorrow. (Doug leaves) Just so you know, we抮e not seeing him tomorrow. I, I cannot spend another evening with that man. Remember how he behaved at our wedding?

Chandler: No.

Monica: That抯 because he wasn憈 invited. All right? Because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.

Chandler: Yeah. Boy, urine cuts right through an ice sculpture, doesn抰 it?

[Scene: Ross抯 place. There抯 a knock on the door. He opens it to Mona.]

Mona: Hi.

Ross: Hey.

(They kiss and she enters.)

Mona: Hey, I went by the photo shop. Take a look. Here is a mock up (?) of our card. Ok.

(Ross looks at it.)

Ross: It looks great.

Mona: Ok, do you think it should say 揕ove Ross and Mona?

Ross: Well, we, we haven 10抰 said that to each other yet. I guess it抯 ok to say it to other people.

Mona: How many did you want? I抦 getting a hundred.

Ross: A hundred! (laughs) Well, I, uh, I guess I抣l take uh - Mona, I uh, I抦 not so sure about the, uh, the whole card thing.

Mona: Really? Why not?

Ross: Sending out a card together, I, I抦 not sure we抮e ready that yet.

Mona: Y択now, I didn抰 think of it that way. You抮e, you抮e right. (they kiss) So, can I ask you a question?

Ross: Yeah.

Mona: Where are we? Y択now, where are we? Where is this relationship going?

(Ross thinks.)

Ross: Hmm...

Mona: I mean, I love spending time with you, y択now, we should be moving forward. I mean, we should probably talk about that.

(Ross chews on his fingers.)

Ross: Let抯 do the card!!!

Mona: What?

Ross: The card! I think we抮e there!!

Mona: Ok. But I, I still think we should have this conversation.

Ross: I mean, even with the card?

[Scene: The doctor抯. Rachel抯 sitting on the table. A nurse knocks and enters.]

Rachel: Hi!

Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long couldn抰 be here today. She was called to the hospital. Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.

Rachel: Oh, ok. Can I ask you a question? Was it me, or, or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? You know who I抦 talking about? Bowl haircut, hairy fingers...

(Dr. Schiff knocks and enters. Note: He憇 actually cute; it憇 not just Rachel. ;) )

Dr. Schiff: Hi Rachel, I抦 Dr. Schiff.

(Rachel crosses her legs.)

Rachel: Yes you are!

Dr. Schiff: So, how抯 it going?

Rachel: Oh, it抯 really, really good! I mean, come on, where are you from, what do you do?

Dr. Schiff: I抦 a doctor.

Rachel: Right. Right. I, actually, I mean, in your spare time. Do you cook, do you ski, or do you just hang out with your wife or your girlfriend?

Dr. Schiff: Uhh, I don抰 have a wife or a girlfriend, but I do like to ski.

Rachel: Uh, me too!! Yay! How amazing is this?!

Dr. Schiff: So, are you experiencing any discomfort 11?

Rachel: No, I抦 very comfortable.

Dr. Schiff: Any painful gas?

Rachel: No!! Dr. Schiff, what kinda question is that?!

Dr. Schiff: Ok, then. Would you like to lie down on the table?

Rachel: Well, would you want me to lie down on the table?

Dr. Schiff: I抦 sorry, is there something going on here?

Rachel: Oh, do you feel it too?

[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel enters.]

Rachel: Hi.

Phoebe: Oh hey! So, how did your doctor抯 appointment go?

Rachel: Well, let抯 see. Uh, they gave me Cute-Boy-Doctor today, and in the middle of the exam, I put my pinkie in his chin dimple.

Phoebe: Oh God!!

Monica: Why did you do that?

Phoebe: Ok, remember that little problem that I was having during my fourth month of pregnancy?

Monica: Oh yeah! The Evander Holyfield phase! Man! You were so hard up! You, you practically came on to me!

Phoebe: You wish!

Monica: Hey, I coulda had you if I wanted you.

Phoebe: Oh yeah? Come and get it.

Rachel: Ok, even this is turning me on.

(Ross enters.)

Ross: Hey.

Monica: Hey.

Rachel: Oh hey Ross! Hey, how抯 that, how抯 that going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?

Ross: Oh, yeah, yeah. We抮e moving forward. You抣l be getting our card.

Monica: You and Mona are doing a holiday card together?

Ross: We抮e doing the card! And she, she, she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.

Phoebe: Uh, women!!

Ross: I know, I know! Why do you guys have to have this conversation? I mean, no self-respecting man would ask a woman, 揝o, where抯 this going??

Rachel: Ross, you asked me that.

Ross: Hey, you were a closed book, ok?! I抦 not a mind reader!! Besides, I, I hate those conversations. I抦 horrible at them. Really. Maybe, maybe I need some kind of a gesture that says we抮e moving forward without having to talk about it.

Monica: You could ask her to move in with you.

Ross: Whoa-ah, smaller than that!

Monica: Making her a mixed tape?

Ross: Uh, bigger than that?

Phoebe: Give her the a key to your apartment.

Ross: Whoa, hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.

Monica: All right. Have you said 揑 love you? You could say 揑 love you?

Ross: I don抰, I don抰 think I抦 quite there yet. Ooh! I could say 揑 looove spending time with you!?

Phoebe: Ooh, we hate that.

Monica: That is a slap in the face.

Ross: Oh, forget it. Oh, oh, y択now what? I抣l have, I抣l have the conversation. I抣l just say I like things the way they are and, and hope for the best. What do you think, Rach?

Rachel: I think that if it were a little colder in here, I could see your nipples through that sweater.

[Scene: Chandler抯 office. Doug enters.]

Doug: Bing! We抮e all set for tonight. Eight o?clock.

Chandler: Oh, as a matter of fact, uh, we can抰 do it. Monica has to work.

Doug: My ex-wife didn抰 work. Unless you call turning into her mother work. Well, fine! Tomorrow night then.

Chandler: Oh! Tomorrow抯 no good for her either.

Doug: Oh, why not?

Chandler: It抯 the semifinals...of her...bocchyball (?) tournament.

Doug: What抯 going on, Bing? Does, uh, your wife have a problem with me or something?

Chandler: Well, now, now you抮e just talking crazy.

Doug: Oh, why can抰 the three of us go out together?

Chandler: Well-well, because we, we split, we split up. Monica and I split up.

Doug: Good God, Bing. Well, I can抰 say I抦 altogether surprised. I saw the way she looked at you and there was no love there. And the way she looked at me. Pure lust 12.

Chandler: Y択now what would really help me through this tough time is choking something. Can I choke you?

Doug: Bing, my boy, we抮e going to get you over this. So grab your coat, we抮e going to go to a strip club!

Chandler: No, no, no. Monica would freak...(Doug glares at him)...but to hell with that bitch!!

(They leave.)

[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee Mona and himself.]

Ross: Here we go.

Mona: Thanks.

Ross: Mona, um, I, I think it抯 time that we, we have a conversation about, about where things are, are for us.

Mona: Yeah. I, I, I suggested that.

Ross: Uh, we, we, we are sooo umm! So, um, I, I, I really like you. I, I love, um, y択now, hanging out with you. I, I, I抦 having a lot of fun.

Mona: Ok...

Ross: I mean, there抯 no point in spending time with someone if it抯 just fun. I mean, it抯 gotta be going somewhere, right? So where, where is it going? Ah! That抯, that抯 the real question. And, and the, the answer is, it抯 going somewhere fun. Now, I,I know what you抮e thinking. Fun was fine with you like, like ten years ago. I mean, you抮e not, you抮e not getting any younger. No, no, not you, not you. You ARE getting younger! I mean, you, you look like you抮e getting younger by the, by the second! What抯 your secret?

Mona: I抦 sorry. So, so where are we?

Ross: Oh, oh, to sum it up. We抮e having fun. You look young.

Mona: Ok, I -

Ross: But that抯 not enough! So, oh, (gives her a key) here抯 a key to my apartment.

Mona: Really?!

Ross: Really.

Mona: You don抰 think this is too fast?

(Ross shakes his head.)

Commercial Break


[Scene: Joey and Rachel抯. Monica and Rachel are sitting on Francette. Ross is telling them about his situation.]

Rachel: You gave her a key to your apartment?!

Ross: Not a key. I gave her the only key!! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship!

(Phoebe enters with a bald guy.)

Phoebe: Ooh, Ross, how抎 the conversation go?

Ross: Now I live on the street.

(He leaves.)

Phoebe: Where?! Hi.

Rachel: Hi!

Phoebe: Ok, Monica, Rachel, this is my friend, Roger.

(Monica shakes hands with him.)

Monica: Hi.

Phoebe: So, I抦 going to get us some drinks. (to Rachel) Could you help me out?

Rachel: Ok.

(They go in the kitchen.)

Phoebe: Um, he抯 here to have sex with you.

Rachel: What?

Phoebe: (happy) You抮e welcome!

Rachel: Phoebe, no!!!

Phoebe: It抯 ok, he抯 a virgin 13.

(Rachel just stares at her in shock. Monica goes up to them.)

Monica: Rachel, I was just talking to this guy at I was thinking, ok, he抣l have sex with you!

Rachel: Oh!!

Phoebe: Yeah, ok. Let抯 leave these two alone.

Rachel: Dammit, no!! I don抰 care what my hormones are doing, I抦 not going to jsut do it with some random 15 guy!

Phoebe: Fine! Then you tell Roger because he was really looking forward to this!!

(She leaves.)

[Scene: A strip club. Chandler抯 sitting with Doug, who抯 very drunk.]

Doug: Ooh, Bing! Look at those twin sisters dancing together. How about I buy you a lap dance with those girls?

Chandler: Oh, that抯 all right, sir, and that抯 just one girl.

Doug: Bing, what抯 this?!

(He grabs Chandler抯 hand.)

Chandler: It抯 a hand! It抯 the thing you use as a jack 16 and Coke (?) holder 17.

Doug: No, the wedding ring. you gotta get rid of it. We gotta go to the East River now and throw it in!

Chandler: No, no, no.

Doug: Oh, yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!! I did! You抣l feel a hell of a lot better, and if you throw it just right, you might hit a seagull in the head.

[Scene: Ross抯 place. A locksmith hands him a bill.]

Ross: Ok. Oh, I抦 going to need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently 18 I, I give them away for no reason at all.

(He goes back to fixing the lock. Mona enters.)

Mona: Hey, Ross, what抯 going on? You抮e changing the lock?

Ross: No. That guy is.

Mona: I don抰 understand. You, you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock?

Ross: Uh -

Locksmith: Good luck, buddy 19.

(He leaves.)

Mona: Uh, I thought we were moving forward and now you抮e, you抮e sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying t tell me?

Ross: I抦 trying to tell you. I made you a mixed tape.

Mona: What?

Ross: (quickly) I love you.

Mona: Oh! Ohh! (they hug) And I love spending time with you!

(Ross realizes what she just said.)

[Scene: Chandler and Monica抯. Monica is eating and Chandler enters. His hair and clothes are all messed up.]

Chandler: Hi honey. I抦 home.

Monica: From the tequila factory?

Chandler: It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug, I told him that you and I split up. He took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars. And then, when I wouldn抰 give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda 20 can at a bird!

Monica: Come here. I can breathe through my nose.

(They hug.)

Chandler: You know what the worst part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. Y択now, it was like, uh, It抯 a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise me that you will never leave me, that we will grow old and be with each other for the rest of our lives.

Monica: I promise. Hey, speaking of together, how about we send out a holiday card this year?

Chandler: Ooh, I, I don抰 know if we抮e there yet.

[Scene: Joey and Rachel抯. Rachel抯 on the phone.]

Rachel: Yes, hi, I抎 like to order a pizza. Can I ask you a question? Is, is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very Abercrombie and Fitch. (Joey enters) I抣l call you back.

Joey: Who was that?

Rachel: It was just the pizza place.

Joey: You hung up on the pizza place? I don抰 hang up on your friends.

Rachel: I抦 sorry, honey. I抦 just having a, I抦 just having a rough day.

Joey: What抯 wrong?

Rachel: Oh, you really, you really just don抰 want to know about it.

Joey: Then why did I ask?

Rachel: Ok, it抯 just that - and this is really embarrassing - lately, with this whole pregnancy thing, I抳e been finding myself, how do I put this, erotically charged.

Joey: Is that college talk for horny?

Rachel: yeah. So, y択now, I have all of these feelings and I don抰 know what to do about them. I can抰 date, like a normal person, which is fine, since I don抰 need a relationship. All I want is one great night! Just sex, y択now, no strings 21 attached! No relationship. Just, with someone I feel comfortable with and who knows what he抯 doing. Just one great night. I mean, is that really so hard...(her face is only a few inches away from Joey抯) to find? (They both realize what抯 happening and they stand up) So, so how was your day?

Joey: I, uh, I saw a pretty big pigeon.

(He shows her how big it was with his hands.)

Rachel: Well, I gotta get up early and it抯 almost (checks her watch) seven o抍lock.

(She goes into her room.)

Joey: And I gotta go to my room too.

Rachel: Good night!

Joey: Good night! (They both close their doors and immediately come back out) I can抰 do it!!

Rachel: I didn抰 ask you to do it!!

Joey: You抮e Rachel!

Rachel: You抮e Joey!

Joey: You抮e, you抮e my friend!

Rachel: Right back atcha!

Joey: And plus, it抎 be wrong and weird 22, and, and bad!

Rachel: And so bad! And I don抰 know what you抮e talking about, because I didn抰 ask you to do anything!!

Joey: I know! (They stand there uncomfortably) You wanna do it?

Rachel: NO!!!!

Joey: Uh, me either, I抦 just testin?you!!

Rachel: Hey, it抯 the end of this conversation!

Joey: This conversation never happened!

Rachel: Never happened! Good night!

Joey: Good night!! (They go back into their rooms. Rachel slowly opens her door and peeks 23 out) (from his room) Get back in there!!

Closing Credits


[Scene: Joey and Rachel抯. Rachel抯 eating ice cream. Phoebe enters.]

Phoebe: Hi. Listen, I抦 sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It wasn抰 right. And I want to, to make it right, so I brought you something I think you抣l enjoy. Ok. (brings in the cardboard Evander Holyfield) Yeah, this is just a lone 14. I抦 gonna want it back, so...I抦 gonna go now. (She leaves but comes back and takes it) I抦 sorry. I thought I could do it, but I can抰!!

(She leaves.)

End