环球英语 — 79：Wedding Blues

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Hello. I’m Mike Procter.

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And I’m Marina Santee. Welcome to Spotlight 1. This programme uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.

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‘It was strange. We had spent months saving 2 money and planning. We wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Then, in a single day it was all over. I thought what now?’

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‘There did not seem to be anything to talk about afterwards. There was nothing to look forward to. I felt really depressed 3 - it was horrible 4.’

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‘Afterwards I wondered what it was all for. I suppose I just expected more.’

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‘For better or worse - till death do us part.’ On the day of their wedding, a man and a woman promise to stay together for life. But what happens when the man or woman of your dreams suddenly seems to change? And it all happens after one day - your wedding day! The day you got married!

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More and more people are experiencing the ‘wedding blues 5’. In other words, after they get married they feel depressed, ‘blue’. This kind of experience is called postnuptial depression 6.

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Hayley Brown is thirty-one [31] years old. She is one of many women who have experienced 7 postnuptial depression. She spent eighteen months planning the big event - the wedding! She and her future husband wanted everything to be perfect! The time leading up to the wedding was full! Plans, plans and more plans! There was the list of people to invite. There were the flowers, the food, the place, the people and the clothes! And then there was the honeymoon 9 - where to go for their holiday after the wedding. But, after all this - suddenly there was nothing to plan! When they returned from their honeymoon, Hayley felt depressed. She said,

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‘Like lots of women I went on a diet nine months before I got married. I wanted to look good on the day. But afterwards I wondered what it was all for.’

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Hayley is not alone! Philip Hodson is a member of the British Association 10 for Counselling and Psychotherapy. He said that one in ten women suffer from postnuptial depression. So what are the causes? And, what can they do about it?

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Doctor Jane Greer is a marriage and family advisor 11. She says that a major cause of problems is raised expectations. A husband and a wife usually know each other before they marry. They know what each other can and cannot do. But marriage somehow changes their expectations.

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So, lower 8 your expectations and all will be fine? Well, not exactly! But looking at things as they really are will help! Many people have a false idea of love and marriage. They expect it to be like the love stories in the films. Doctor Greer says,

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‘Do not feel troubled if your husband cannot fix everything around the house. A wedding ring on your finger does not make him Super-husband. And it does not make you Super-wife.’

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Marriage needs work straight away, says Doctor Greer. You should know this from the start. Then, you are less likely to get a horrible shock later. You should make time for each other from the beginning. Then you can avoid problems later on.

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Experts give simple useful ideas to avoid the ‘wedding blues;

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After you marry, start a new pastime 12, something you enjoy. It could be an exercise class. It could be painting. It could be running! Anything! You will have spent many months filling your time with wedding plans. So, you need to do something to fill that time. This can be with your husband or wife. Or it can be without. But do not do everything together! If you do, you may start to miss being independent.

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Ask your successful married friends for help and advice!

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Seek advice before you get married. Go to your local church or advice centre.

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Make time for each other.

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Remember, conflict 13 does not mean it is all over. Relationships take work.

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Talk to your husband or wife about your feelings. He or she may be feeling the same way.

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Do not expect marriage to be the answer to all your problems.

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Try and keep your love alive after the honeymoon!

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If your feelings of depression do not go away - seek help from a doctor.

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And finally, do not follow the lead of the famous like Britney Spears 14 or J-Lo! Give your marriage some time!

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Paula Hall is a Relationship Psychotherapist. She helps married people. Paula offers advice on the Internet. She says the most common areas of disagreements 15 are money, housework and sex. But she says that often these arguments have deeper roots. For example, a husband and wife may argue about money. But the real problem could be about a person’s sense of value or power in the relationship. Paula says,

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‘We all need to feel valued as human beings. But there are times when the way our husband or wife spends money can make us feel worthless 16.’

‘Often the real issues 17 are about fairness 18, respect, care and love.’

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Experts say that these are things that every marriage needs to succeed in the long term - respect, care and love. But how do husbands and wives manage this every day? Every month? Every year?

I spoke 19 to one of our recently married producers. I asked her how she and her husband managed. She said,

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‘Marriage is a great joy. But it is not always easy. One thing that helps us is turning to God each day. We pray about our marriage. We ask God to help us to always respect each other. We pray that we will always act as a team, even during the difficult times. I pray for my husband. And he prays for me. It is hard to be angry with someone whom you pray for daily!

We have found that when we invite God into our marriage, it is stronger. We feel closer. We feel more love for each other. When we forget to put God first we start to feel a distance between us. We fight more. And we are not as patient with each others mistakes. God is a tie that helps hold us together. The Christian 20 Bible 21 says, ‘if God is for us who can be against us?’