美国国家公共电台 NPR The Call-In: Your Questions About Making Relationships Last
时间:2019-01-17 作者:英语课 分类:2017年NPR美国国家公共电台6月
(SOUNDBITE OF CORDUROI'S "MY DEAR")
LULU GARCIA-NAVARRO, HOST:
Time now for The Call-In. It's wedding season. And today we're talking about love. We asked you for your stories, advice and questions.
JENNIFER INGRAHAM: Hi, NPR listeners. This is Jennifer Ingraham.
JENNY RANKIN: Hi. This is Jenny Rankin from Laguna Beach, Calif.
MARY ANGELIU: Buffalo 1 Grove 2, Ill. - and I just celebrated 3 my 40th wedding anniversary with my husband.
UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: And my question is about relationships.
INGRAHAM: Thanks.
ANGELIU: Thanks.
RANKIN: Thank you so much. Bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF CORDUROI'S "MY DEAR")
GARCIA-NAVARRO: Mandy Len Catron wrote the wildly popular Modern Love column "To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This," about a psychological experiment that used 36 questions to make two people fall in love. She joins us now in our studios to talk about how to make love last. Thanks for being here.
MANDY LEN CATRON: Yeah, my pleasure.
GARCIA-NAVARRO: All right, let's start with some really common questions that we got from our listeners. Basically, how do you keep love alive? Let's listen.
LYDIA FUQUA: My name is Lydia Fuqua, and I'm from Kansas City, Mo. My fiance and I are getting married in about three months. We've been together for a while, but there are so many new and exciting things we've gotten to share together that every day feels new and fresh and exciting. My question is - 10, 15, 20 years from now, how do we work to combat the mundane 4?
CATRON: Yeah, so there's a lot of research that psychologists have done on what they call the misattribution of arousal. And basically, the idea is that when you do something really stimulating 5 - that leaves you excited, sweaty palms, heart racing 6 - or even just something novel and interesting, you tend to attribute those really intense feelings that you're having to who you're with not just to what you're doing. And so a lot of people recommend doing, like, date night and always trying to do new things or new experiences, even if it's just going to a new restaurant with your partner.
GARCIA-NAVARRO: Keeping it fresh, essentially 7.
CATRON: Yeah.
GARCIA-NAVARRO: Keeping it fresh.
So there were a couple of questions about navigating 8 cultural differences in relationships. This is Jennifer Ingraham.
INGRAHAM: My question is - how do other couples who have grown up with different life experiences explore those memories together and find ways to bond over them, for example through meals, travel or sharing stories? Thanks.
CATRON: Yeah, you know, I think this is a great question. And I think the answer is maybe, like, build it into your relationship. So my partner and I have a relationship contract. And in the contract, we each have talked about things that are important to both of us that we want to practice in our relationship.
GARCIA-NAVARRO: This is written?
CATRON: This is written out, yeah (laughter).
GARCIA-NAVARRO: OK.
CATRON: So we come from slightly different cultural backgrounds. Like, I grew up in rural Appalachia, and he was actually born in Poland. And I grew up with my family eating breakfast together every morning. It was, like, the one meal we bothered to eat together every day. And so I actually said, let's put this in the contract. Like, I want us to try and eat breakfast together every day. And so we do.
But you could do your own thing. You could say, I want to eat, like, X cuisine 9 from your background once a week, and you're in charge of making that dinner. And then I'll do mine once a week. And I think that we both have that novelty effect of doing cool new things and also let you each take turns feeling like you're contributing something to the relationship.
GARCIA-NAVARRO: So because we like to be highly intrusive 10 here...
CATRON: (Laughter).
GARCIA-NAVARRO: ...We actually went to our colleagues here at NPR. Here is former WEEKEND EDITION host and now Morning Edition host Rachel Martin. And maybe it's a WEEKEND EDITION host thing because I strongly relate to this particular question.
RACHEL MARTIN, BYLINE 11: This may seem trivial, but it's actually not trivial. And I'm going to out my husband here as someone who is not tidy - like, refuses to put things away, refuses to shut cupboards. So you think that this is not a big deal, but it grates on me to no end. And I don't know what to do about this thing. Do I just keep shutting the cupboards behind him because it's just my lot in life now? Or do I make it, like, a real issue and say, listen, I'm starting to resent you because you do this? I don't know what to do.
CATRON: I mean, this - so my partner and I have done - like, put housework into the relationship contract, so we each have a role that's our responsibility. So one way you might approach this is instead of feeling like, oh, I have to live with this bitterness - is that you negotiate. So you could say, I will close the cabinet doors behind you. Like, I will choose to live with this if you will then offer me something that is a challenge for me.
So maybe there's some space to feel like you're gaining something from closing the cabinets, like there's an exchange there. Like, I hate doing laundry. I hate it. And so my partner does all our laundry, and it's, like, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. But I have to now take out the compost, which is the most disgusting job in our house because we live above a butcher shop, and our compost bins 12 are repulsive 13. But it's like, that's a worthwhile sort of five minutes out of my week for him doing, like, hours of laundry. Like, it's glorious, and we're both happy.
GARCIA-NAVARRO: That was Mandy Len Catron. Her new book is called "How To Fall In Love With Anyone." Her second Modern Love column, "To Stay In, Love Sign On The Dotted Line," is in today's New York Times.
(SOUNDBITE OF CORDUROI'S "MY DEAR")
GARCIA-NAVARRO: And next week on The Call-In, the Senate has unveiled its version of the health care bill, and it is complicated. If you have questions about how your health care might change, call in at 202-216-9217. Be sure to include your full name, contact info and where you are from. And in order to answer your question more fully 14, please do include information about where you get your insurance, your age and who's on your policy. That number again, 202-216-9217. And we may use your question on the air.
(SOUNDBITE OF CORDUROI'S "MY DEAR")
GARCIA-NAVARRO: And now for a moment, back to love - one more round of advice from my colleagues, hosts past and present Robert Siegel, Ari Shapiro, Audie Cornish, Susan Stamberg and Linda Wertheimer.
ROBERT SIEGEL, BYLINE: Learn how to argue.
ARI SHAPIRO, BYLINE: Communication, communication, communication.
AUDIE CORNISH, BYLINE: Knowing when to give each other space.
SUSAN STAMBERG, BYLINE: Our rabbi, when we were married, which will be 55-plus years ago, 1962, said never let the sun set on a quarrel. And that was wonderful advice.
LINDA WERTHEIMER, BYLINE: Well, I have been married for 48 years. And I think that - you know, I think it just takes a lot of work to be married for a very long time. Not easy (laughter) but worth it, I think.
(SOUNDBITE OF CORDUROI'S "MY DEAR")
- Asian buffalo isn't as wild as that of America's. 亚洲水牛比美洲水牛温顺些。
- The boots are made of buffalo hide. 这双靴子是由水牛皮制成的。
- On top of the hill was a grove of tall trees.山顶上一片高大的树林。
- The scent of lemons filled the grove.柠檬香味充满了小树林。
- He was soon one of the most celebrated young painters in England.不久他就成了英格兰最负盛名的年轻画家之一。
- The celebrated violinist was mobbed by the audience.观众团团围住了这位著名的小提琴演奏家。
- I hope I can get an interesting job and not something mundane.我希望我可以得到的是一份有趣的工作,而不是一份平凡无奇的。
- I find it humorous sometimes that even the most mundane occurrences can have an impact on our awareness.我发现生活有时挺诙谐的,即使是最平凡的事情也能影响我们的感知。
- shower gel containing plant extracts that have a stimulating effect on the skin 含有对皮肤有益的植物精华的沐浴凝胶
- This is a drug for stimulating nerves. 这是一种兴奋剂。
- I was watching the racing on television last night.昨晚我在电视上看赛马。
- The two racing drivers fenced for a chance to gain the lead.两个赛车手伺机竞相领先。
- Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
- She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。
- These can also be very useful when navigating time-based documents, such as video and audio. 它对于和时间有关的文档非常有用,比如视频和音频文档。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓
- Vehicles slowed to a crawl on city roads, navigating slushy snow. 汽车在市区路上行驶缓慢,穿越泥泞的雪地。 来自互联网
- This book is the definitive guide to world cuisine.这本书是世界美食的权威指南。
- This restaurant is renowned for its cuisine.这家餐馆以其精美的饭菜而闻名。
- The cameras were not an intrusive presence.那些摄像机的存在并不令人反感。
- Staffs are courteous but never intrusive.员工谦恭有礼却从不让人感到唐突。
- His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
- We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。
- Garbage from all sources was deposited in bins on trolleys. 来自各方的垃圾是装在手推车上的垃圾箱里的。 来自辞典例句
- Would you be pleased at the prospect of its being on sale in dump bins? 对于它将被陈列在倾销箱中抛售这件事,你能欣然接受吗? 来自辞典例句
- She found the idea deeply repulsive.她发现这个想法很恶心。
- The repulsive force within the nucleus is enormous.核子内部的斥力是巨大的。