美国国家公共电台 NPR A Sister Shares 'Horrible And Wonderful' Memories Of Her Brother's Life And Death

A Sister Shares 'Horrible And Wonderful' Memories Of Her Brother's Life And Death

SCOTT SIMON, HOST:

Stephanie Wittels Wachs got a phone call from her loving and accomplished 1 brother just three days before her wedding, in which he shared some surprising news.

STEPHANIE WITTELS WACHS: He told me he was a drug addict 2.

SIMON: Harris Wittels died two years later of an overdose. He was a hilarious 3 and respected Hollywood comic writer, who had become co-executive producer of NBC's "Parks And Recreation." By the time he was 30, he was working on award-winning shows like "Master Of None."

His sister has written a memoir 4 of his life, her loss, and the lessons to be shared, "Everything Is Horrible And Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir Of Genius, Heroine, Love, And Loss." Stephanie Wittels Wachs, a writer, theater artist, and educator in Houston, joins us from NPR West. Thanks so much for being with us.

WACHS: Thank you for having me.

SIMON: This is a book that is written to your brother. Why phrase it that way?

WACHS: You know, it poured out of me in a sort of way that I can only describe as exorcising demons 5. I mean, I just was consumed with every negative emotion you could possibly be consumed with. It was a terrible place to be, and I desperately 6 wanted to talk to him. I wanted to ask him questions, and I wanted to yell at him for doing this. And I wanted to tell him how sad I was. It came out of me that way and was therapeutic 7 in a way.

SIMON: Recognizing there's no real answer to this, what happened to your brother? How did it happen?

WACHS: You know, I think that's part of why I wrote the book. In the book, I call it a manic investigative phase. After something terribly senseless happens, the people who are left here are tasked with making sense of it.

I think he had a propensity 8 for excess. He was pleasure-driven as a person. He wanted to have everything in the buffet 9 line, not just one thing. And I also think that he had a mind that never stopped working, and he was constantly crafting jokes and making observations of the world and - you know, as a comic does. And I think that was probably exhausting in a way as well, and he needed to relax and shut down. And so I think the combination of those is why we're here.

SIMON: He tried - it was three different rehab programs?

WACHS: Yes.

SIMON: And went into it with high expectations and even a feeling of maybe this one will make a difference. Given your family's experience, why don't so many rehab programs work?

WACHS: I think a 30-day program can turn into another sort of high. It's the high of feeling great again. You feel back to yourself. You feel in your body. You feel in your mind. You feel in control again, and you think, OK, I can do this just one more time. You know, I'm in a good place. I'll just use one more time, and it'll be OK. And Harris's - the people who ran one of the rehabs who we met with after he died explained to us that that's often what kills addicts 10, is the just-one-more-time mentality 11.

SIMON: Your brother was just 30 and yet, he had made, at the age of 30, detailed 12 provisions about his passing.

WACHS: Yeah.

SIMON: Was he just being meticulous 13, or was there a part of him that kind of knew this could always happen?

WACHS: He's not a meticulous person, no. That is not what it was. He was a mess. He was so disorganized as a human being. He didn't eat with silverware. I mean, he was, you know, very much 10 years old in a lot of ways.

So I have to - I have to assume that he understood that he was playing with fire. He knew that he was taking a risk and that he was doing something that could kill him.

SIMON: Let me ask you about a line in the book. Is sister a noun or a verb? Wonder how you feel about that?

WACHS: I can tell you that since he's died, I have just really done nothing but think about and process and write about and honor my brother. I've been very verb-like since he died. I guess, I think it's both. You know, I think I'll always be his sister.

SIMON: You really do fall in love with your family in this book.

WACHS: Thank you.

SIMON: How are your mother and father?

WACHS: Well, when a child dies, it does a number on the family. Parents don't expect to bury their children. I think for our family, because we had this basis of laughter and fun and, you know, we were a strange family who likes each other genuinely, it's been really difficult.

A lot of our attention is now on grief. My mom is very active in her grief. She is speaking at high schools. She's created a support group in Houston for other families who have lost family members to drug overdoses.

My dad is 100 percent on the opposite side of the spectrum 14. He is very sort of solitary 15 in his grief, and I think it's hard - I think it's harder for him. I think when you are not able to talk about it and express how it feels, it eats you up. And he was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's, too, so we have been dealing 16 with that as a family. You know, we - it's like every family. You keep going, you know.

SIMON: As the book ends, you mention that you're trying to add to your family.

WACHS: Yeah I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant right now with a boy.

SIMON: Oh, my word, I think I know the name.

WACHS: Well, in Judaism, we're not supposed to say it before they're born, so we'll keep it on the down-low for now.

SIMON: Stephanie Wittels Wachs, her book, "Everything Is Horrible And Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir Of Genius, Heroine, Love, And Loss." Thanks so much for being with us.

WACHS: Thank you for having me.